day by day

tonight

tonights the worst one in a while.

i'm lying here in bed wide awake, because all I can hear in the silence is your voice, calling me gorgeous and saying how much you love me.

and when I close my eyes I see you, smiling at me, looking me in the eyes the moment after we kissed for the first time.

and when I lay there, with the blankets loosely around me, I can feel your hands on me again, searching every inch of my body, feeling every curve, pulling me closer, hungry for the feeling of my body on yours.

i'm laying here and the tears start to well up in my eyes, as they spill over onto my cheeks I hear your voice saying;

oh babygirl, don't waste your tears, especially not on me, I could never be worthy of your precious tears.

I love you, okay? don't forget that, ever.

and I start to cry harder, every part of my soul misses you, my heart aches at the thought of you being gone.

I crawl out of bed and walk over to my phone, wiping the tears from my face I unlock it and go to text you,

I type out a whole paragraph about how much I love you even after all this time, and how you're still all I want, and how you said you loved me too, I start to get angry and it starts to show in what i'm typing.

I finish my rant about how much I hate you, and about how much I love you.

and before I can hit send, I hit cancel and turn my phone off.

I open my photos and find that one specific photo you sent me, that you had told me to make my wallpaper, and I smile, the tears fall more regularly now, but I just wipe them away.

I start to feel my anger well up again, but I push it aside.

this is all I have left of you.

one seemingly meaningless selfie.

yet to me, it means the world.

to me, you meant the world.

mean the world

I gave you my heart, and expected no repercussions.

silly me

the night you finally asked me out, everything was finally okay.

you fucking knew me.

you knew what would make me anxious, you knew what would make me happy, you knew what would make me mad.

you knew me.

and in one night you threw it away like it was nothing.

in one night you threw me away like I was nothing.

and so here I lay.

a hollow shell of what was once a human being.

I haven't been full since you left.

I haven't been okay since you left.

so for now, i'm taking it day by day.