It's Just A PR Stunt. Right?

9 - A.

I am stupid.

Literally.

I have no reason to do this crap to him. I don't even know why I don't like him. I mean. He's kinda cute. Okay fine he's a lot cute. With his blonde hair, and bright blue eyes. That cute little dimple he has on his left cheek. And the way his giggle will get high pitched if you make him laugh to hard.

Wait.

I've paid that much attention to him?

"You should just go say sorry Ash." Michael said while laying on my bed and playing on his phone.

Probably texting Calum.

I sigh and nod, knowing that he was right.

It took a few minutes for me to convince myself to just leave the room and go talk to the kid, but I finally agreed with a quiet, "Okay..." I walked out of my room and then towards his. I swallow nervously and knocked on the door. I hear rustling until the door finally opens. Luke looks at me surprised and I sigh.

"Can I...come in?"

He bites his lip and nods before opening the door more. I smile a little awkward smile before walking in. He walks to the bed and sits down. The silence slowly starts to eat me up and after mentally knocking myself in the head a few times I finally speak up.

"So um...I wanted to come a-"

He cuts me off and says bluntly. "What do you want?"

I frown. "I wanted to say sorry."

He snorts and stands up. "What so you can back to being a complete dick to me? Ashton answer the fucking question. What do you want? What will make you happy?"

I swallow before yelling. "You." He freezes. "God dammit Luke I want you. I didn't realize it until now but I fucking want you. You've just got something that draws you to me and honestly I don't know why I'm a dick to you because all I want is...you." I breath out the last word. The realization taking my breath away.

Luke swallows. "M-me?"

I bite my lip harshly before stepping forward and cupping his cheeks, pressing my lips to his. He makes a noise of surprise, a small hum, and just stands there. I start to get a little nervous but before I can pull away he's putting his hands on my chest, hands holding into the front of my shirt. My heart begins to race as he kisses back and our lips slot perfectly together.

We kissed for a minute or so before I finally pulled away. "I-im sorry." I try to ignore the way my lips tingle.

He swallowed. "Why?" I licked my lips. "I shouldn't have done that. You probably hate me." Not that I could blame him.

Luke shakes his head and kisses me again. This time I'm the one that's surprised, taking a moment to register the press of his soft lips against my dry ones. Finally when my brain reboots I put my hands on his hips and gently pull him closer. His arms wrap around my neck loosely, one of his hands tangling into my hair.

I didn't know what I was doing, or why the fuck I was doing it, but as much as I fucking hated it (but of course loved it also) I let it happen. I let us fall onto his bed and I let myself kiss down his neck. I let him run his fingers through my hair and I let myself enjoy it.

No, we didn't have sex.

We made out of a while before laying down and just cuddling. There were a few whispered words that were traded, the both of us trying to ignore how weird and confusing the turn of events was. Once he was asleep, I swallowed, because I didn't know what I was going to do.

This is just supposed to be a Personal Record stunt. I'm not supposed to like him. This isn't meant to be, we aren't fate. I don't believe in fate. I don't believe in love. And what scared me, was the fact that something about him drew me to him. Made me want to kiss him and hug him. Protect him.

Michael says he might be in love.

But how can he be in love, if there is no such thing.

Love isn't real.

But that's not what Luke thought.

Hi guys.
I have good news and bad news.
Bad news: I'm not going to be able to update much in the next few weeks.
Good news: I'm two weeks clean today!
S

Update: August 2018

I would just like to say that reading that last sentence in my note, know that I have come so far makes me so happy. I'm not almost 3 years clean, and see that when I wrote this I was only two weeks clean makes me emotional.
-S