My Journal

Taking Responsibility

I'm 19 (turning 20 in late July), and I'm ready to grow. I'm ready to grow into an independent young woman. And I'm ready to take responsibility for my growth.

Living in my mom's apartment is not conducive to my growth. I don't feel like explaining what has happened in the past few days, but I have concluded that to begin my transition into independence, I need to live with my dad. As mentioned, his house is a mess, but he is extremely emotionally supportive and provides me with the resources that I need to succeed during this transition. For example, my car (that my dad bought for me two summers ago), is in my hometown, and unlike my mom, my dad is willing to sit in the car with me while I practice driving. Driving is essential to working, in my case, and not being able to drive has made me extremely dependent on my parents. I'm scared as hell to drive, but I'm desperate—so desperate that I'm taking a plane to my hometown during a pandemic.

I'm sad to be leaving, but I know that I need to for the sake of my future. I've grown to be a very different person than my mom and sister, and living with them is detrimental to my self-esteem and mental health. It took me over a month to realize that I should not spend my summer here; it's not productive. I'm sad but I'm content with my decision. The flight home is booked, and I'm not sure when—or if—I'll be back before next semester.

To everyone who is transitioning into adulthood, I recommend taking as much responsibility for your life as you can. Obviously you'll need help, but do what you can to get that help. Don't expect things to happen because you want them to; take action to reach your goals even if it makes you a bit uncomfortable. That's what I'm trying to do. While my choice may seem small to you, it's big to me. Living in a nasty house will wreak havoc on my state of mind, but I will try my hardest to flourish in that environment. Wish me luck?