Passion.

Chapter Thirty Eight

I decided not to tell her everything. If I would have told her that our father was part of this, she would've been devastated. All I said was I had a fight with David and Roan. While she knows about the Mafia, it's best to maintain my loyalty to the lifestyle and to the people I have been involved with. The truth is, I don't know if I could ever trust Roan or David again. I feel betrayed. I'm hurt more than I've ever been hurt before. These were two people who rushed into my life so suddenly, and at first so coincidentally. But it wasn't a coincidence. Every moment between us feels planned and false. I know they love me. I love both of them. But, if it wasn't for my father, we would've never met, and I don't see that as a good thing. I'm not grateful to my dad for bringing them into my life. I am happy I met them. But grateful and happy are two different things. I feel disconnected. I feel like our relationship has come to a sudden stop. I feel a bunch of different things and I don't know what to do. I'm... lost. I like to plan things. At least, before I met Roan and David I did. I liked to know my future, or predict with confidence some things that would happen. Now, I can't predict anything. I can't plan, I can't control what goes on because I don't have power over my life any more. The mafia does. I never wanted it to be that way. Truthfully, when I found out about what David and Roan did I was confused. My first initial reaction was curiosity. Then it was sadness. But at last, I became protective over the men I was falling for. I was willing to hurt others for them because my love consumed me quickly. I remember saying "If you're in this, I'm in this. We fight together, we love together, that's how it works." But I didn't know then. I didn't know this entire thing came from my fathers doing. I also didn't know anything about The Mafia world, and that was my mistake. I shouldn't have jumped in so soon. I should've considered my options. But did I really have any? I fell in love with Roan Smith. I fell in love with David Smith. Two dangerous, arrogant, and maybe even ignorant people. But they're also kind, funny, and the best men I have ever met in my entire life. It isn't their fault my father didn't tell me he was A Mob Boss. It isn't their fault that they had orders they had to follow. But, I wonder, would it be different for us? If they were honest with me, all of them. If my father told me what he was, and that two guys were going to protect me, would I have allowed it? I'm stubborn. I shouldn't have been so cruel towards them.  "I want you to take me to there house. I want to see them." I say, and Demetria looks puzzled. "Didn't you say you were done with them?" "Yes, but I'm not. I don't think I ever will be." She sees the emotion in my eyes, and the pressure on my heart. I want both of them. I truly can't decide which one I want more, even in my most emotional times of thought. She shakes her head in agreement and we start driving. God, I hope they're there. Even if I get to only have sex with one of them right now, I'll be okay. When I don't have words, I have physical connection. Intimacy is something I value wholeheartedly. No matter how kinky it is, no matter how much I liked being fucked until I'm a saturated hot mess, there is love in the act of sex. At least, there is between me and my men. I have doubts about some things in this life, and even though I'm hurt that they didn't tell me about my father, or his orders, I know one thing. Our love has been real since the very beginning. It's not always simple. It's never been perfect. But it's ours. It's true, it's imperfect, it's flawed, it's beautiful, it's everything I've ever could've asked for. I need to start separating The Mafia, with the two men I'm in love with. This is their job. Something they inherited. I know for a fact that if they didn't have to do this, they wouldn't choose it. This lifestyle was handed to them. I know them better than most, I would say. Danger aside, I'm in love. I fell for them harder than I expected, but I fell. I fell, and I didn't crash. I landed. Even now, with the crash of it all, I'm okay. I will be okay. We're there faster than I had imagined, and I'm thankful. Time goes by fast when you're stuck in a cloud of your thoughts. "Thank you. I love you." I say and kiss her on the cheek. I step out of the car and walk up to the door just as David is leaving the house. He doesn't see me, so I run up to him and turn his face to mine. Kissing him, fiercely. He kisses me back, intensely. "I thought you were mad at me." "I am. Oh I am. But I'm more in love with you." I say and he picks me up and wraps me around his body. "I never want to lose you, Claire." He says in between our kiss. "And you never will." He smiles against my lips. "Now take me inside." He does just that and closes the door with my backside. He pins me up against the door frame and kisses every inch of my being. It's sloppy, it's erotic, it's us. "Take me upstairs." I beg, eager to have him inside of me. I want to feel him. I want to taste him. I crave his shoulders intertwining with mine. We barely make it up the stairs, but we do. He sits me on the bed and removes his shirt. I'm sitting in front of him and his physique is so... masculine. So hot. So damn hot. He pushes me back and positions my body upwards. He sticks himself inside of me and I revel in every awaking sexual moment. I claw his back and he groans. But it's different. It's sexual, but emotional. It's painful. It's raw. He makes love to me. He fucks me. We fuck, and make love, over and over and over again. Until we have the taste of each other imprinted on our lips, the hand marks engraved in our skin, and the scent of each other has now become one. We fall back onto the bed and move close to the headboard, holding each other. "I love you so fucking much." He says. "I love you." I smile. That was so good. Every thing I intended it to be when I came here. But, I miss Roan. I can't seem to have one of my men without craving the other. I want both. I'm content, though. I'm happy and fulfilled. Until the ringing of his phone ruins our precious moment. "What? No. No!" David yells. "What? What is it?!" I ask. He hangs up and throws his underwear on as fast as he can. He runs downstairs and I put on his shirt over my naked body, following behind him. There's a letter on the table in the living room that wasn't there before. "What is that?" I ask as he opens it. "You weren't supposed to find out this way." He says. I walk closer towards him and rip the letter out of his hand. It reads:
"Claire Stone,
Mark Stone Killed Reggie Richardson's father. Michael Richardson was in the back seat, at the tender age of five years old. He came after you because you lived. Him and Reggie's other brother, Jack Richardson, Didn't." Oh My god. I try to contain myself, but I can't. "My father murdered a little boy?" I cry. "Yes. I'm so sorry. We were going to tell you." David responds. "Just like you were going to tell me he was a fucking Mafia Man!" I scream. I check my self. "I'm sorry. I'm just angry. This isn't your fault." "It's okay." He hugs me. A simple thing, that I've needed for so long. "Michael was a bad man. He killed Sal for god's sake, and I'm not saying he had a right to, but he saw his father and his brother get murdered." "Shh. It's going to be okay." He says, quietly. "But what if it isn't? What if we could never escape this?" I ask. "We will. We'll find a way."
Regardless of his words, a part of me thinks that we won't. If we can't leave this life style in the past one day, I don't know if I could make it. Physically, emotionally, and mentally.
Love doesn't make up for Murder.