Passion.

Chapter Twenty Eight

                                      Claire
One Month Later...
I walk into my apartment exhausted. Today was an especially long day of work considering my boss just got his heartbroken and I had to pick up the pieces. I've been living at this apartment for a whole month, and I've come to love it. It's simplistic and modern, yet chic. Walls painted white, a little coffee table for myself as a dinner table, and a small television. I saved up most of my money to get a book shelf big enough for the fifty books I've collected over the past years. Reading has always been my thing, and I'm glad I finally have a place for my most prized possession. I gathered my things from the Smith's house the day I found out they were moving too. Part of me is worried that they're leaving forever. I know  if that is the case, I have to say goodbye. But I'm not ready to say goodbye. I miss them. I miss both of them in different yet equal ways. I've been sulking in my sadness for way to long, longer than I had expected. I haven't gone outside except to work, and I haven't been in a good mental state. Sure, my given independence has felt great and rewarding, but this isn't what I want. I'm not talking to my men for one reason, the only reason, so they stay safe. Distancing myself from them will just make it known that they don't care for me romantically. At least it will appear that way to people that wanted revenge on Roan and David. Maybe I'm safer this way, too. Over the past month Sal has become a dear friend of mine. I visit him every Friday night and bring him some food down at the range. He even sleeps there most nights, which was surprising. I was hoping such a nice older man would have a place to call home instead of a gun range. But I'm saving up some money for him, hoping it can help go to an apartment or hotel room. Demetria and I have bonded as well. After the incident, I explained to her what Roan and David do for a living. Just as I had imagined, Cody knew. I also had them sign a Non Disclosure agreement swearing to secrecy that they will never tell anyone else what I had explained to them. I trust both of them. As for right now, I need a stiff drink and a bath. I bought whiskey in honor of Roan's habit, to remind me of the taste of his lips. David texted me yesterday, and It was nice. It was short and sweet, and while he wanted more I forced myself to put the phone down, for the sake of my urges. I pour whiskey into a glass, get naked, and sink into a warm bath. Nothing fancy. Just whiskey, water, and me. I really am craving sex right now. Once I got a taste of what sex was like, I knew I never wanted to stop. I don't want to have sex with anyone else but Roan or David, though. I can't even picture another man on me, or inside of me, and I know for a fact that no one could bring the intense pleasure the Smith Men bring to me. Demetria, as the good and fun sister she is, bought me a vibrator two weeks ago. I've used it, and while it's fun to explore your sexuality by yourself, I really wasn't by myself. I kept picturing Roan's mouth between my thighs, and David's hands feeling my boobs. I didn't orgasm from the vibrating sensation, I orgasmed from Roan's deep husky voice in the back of my mind and David's hand rubbing my clit. My mind is so consumed with thoughts and flashbacks of them touching, talking, and lighting my soul and body on fire in every way imaginable, that I truly don't think I'll ever manage to get over them. But I know I have the strength to, and if I get closure then one day I will. Demetrias name flashes up on my phone screen and I reach over and answer it. "We're going out tonight!" No. I don't plan on going anywhere. "Demetria, no. I'm exhausted from work and now I'm just relaxing and I-
She cuts me off and yells. "YOU ARE GOING OUT TONIGHT. NO QUESTIONS. GET UP, I'M OUTSIDE." She's outside? I love her, but sometimes she's just so unpredictable. I gather myself out of the bathtub and put a robe on, taking my final sip of whiskey. She knocks on my door and I open it just as she swings her arms around me. "I brought a dress for you! I think it'll fit you absolutely wonderfully."
It's kind of her, really. But I haven't been seeing myself as sexy, or even beautiful lately. I take the bag out of her hands and lock the door behind her. "You look horribly sad. I know the split from them was hard on you, but you have to get your act together. Working and buying this apartment was great for you, you can do so many other great things if you just get out of this house!" She wont budge until I agree and actually make myself look presentable.
"Alright. Stop yelling. I'll go out! On one condition." "What's the condition?" "I get extremely drunk." I request. "Fine by me. I'm driving anyway."
She gives me the dress and I go into the bathroom and change. Wow. It's beautiful. There's red lace on the top, and my cleavage is extremely showing, but I don't mind. It's right above my knee, but there's a slit that goes from the top of my thigh and near my waist. Thank god I chose to wear nude underwear. For once, in pretty much my entire life, I love how I look. The dress hugs my hips and supports my boobs perfectly. I take my hair out of a low ponytail, and grab my straight iron. "Let's go! I need you ready in fifteen minutes." Demetria yells. I quickly run the straight iron over my hair, and I love how sleek my blonde looks. I've always liked having natural blonde hair. Taking my final step to look attractive, I dress my lips with a nude lipstick and spray some perfume on. I walk out of the bathroom and Demetria gasps. "Well, now I feel basic. You look amazing! Let's go." We walk outside and I lock my door. I look over to the car we're taking, and see two men near the front door. Cody, and some man I don't know. "What is this actually about?" I ask. "I sort of suggested a guy for you. Double date at a club?" She responds.
Well, this is going to be awkward. Especially because I'm not open to any other man right now. But I do walk over to the car and force a smile. "Hi. I'm Logan." He's attractive, don't get me wrong, but I'm so closed off. His dark skin and green eyes are really nice, though. I reach my hand out and shake his. "Claire, nice to meet you." I smile, an actual smile. We get into the car and Cody blurts out, "Claire, this is my brother Logan." Brother? He laughs when I don't respond. "I mean, obviously we're not blood brothers. The white color of my skin and black color of his gives that one away, but we grew up in foster care together, so I consider him my brother." It saddens me that he grew up in foster care, but makes me happy that he has a brother. "Come on man, you wish you were as fine as chocolate." I laugh. I actually laugh. For the first time in a while. "You're really beautiful Claire." Logan compliments me, and my smile fades. It's official, I never want to be called beautiful by anyone but David or Roan. It just doesn't sound the same coming out of someone else's mouth. "So where are we going?" I ask Demetria. "To a club a little out of town, we should be there in no time."
A long, no-time later, we arrive at the very fancy club. "Let's go party!" Cody shouts. Logan yells "Let's get laid!" And I officially know, I'm never going to be interested in this guy. We walk in and I clutch onto my purse. "Let's go to the bar first and order drinks." Demi suggests. "Sounds perfect." We arrive at the bar and I order a Whiskey Sour, just what I needed to take the edge off. I sip the bittersweet drink and smile. Whiskey sours will get me through this night if it's a tough one. "Boys, stay at the bar. Me and Claire are going to dance." Demetria takes me to the dance floor and I sway my hips back and forth to the fast rhythm of the music, with my drink in one hand. "Logan seems to like you!" She yells over the music. "Yeah?! Well I don't like him!" I laugh. "Me neither. But he certainly is fine, so if you need a distraction I suggest you Fuck him!" She says all to loud. We laugh simultaneously as the old lady in the back hears us and drops her jaw, looking away. By the time I gulp my drink down and get another, I'm tired from the fast moves I was doing. I sit down and Logan sits next to me. "You don't have to sit next to me you know, I'm not claiming you. There's a really pretty girl on the dance floor that's been eyeing you all night, go after her." I suggest, intending for him to back off, as I'm not interested. He shakes his head and dances with the pretty girl on the dance floor. I take a deep breath and lean into the lounge chair, sipping my cocktail. I scan the room with my eyes and see him. Him. Roan. With Reggie, and two shockingly stunning women. His eyes are strikingly intense and while I'm staring at him, he catches me looking. Our eyes meet and he remains serious. He doesn't smirk, he's not playful, he's serious. Smoldering, I stand up and make a decision. I'm not going to fawn over Roan Smith as he's with another woman who I'm sure he plans on fucking. I stand up and walk over to Logan. "I've decided I'm interested in you!" I say, and he whispers something in the pretty woman's face and she frowns and walk away. If Roan is with someone else, I have every right to be too. I turn around, pressing my backside to Logan, and slightly rubbing my butt against his crotch. There's not much to feel. Nothing like Roan, but I'm having fun with it. I take both of Logan's hands and lead them up and down my body, causing him to groan into my ear. Roan's eyebrows raise and his face remains firm when he realizes what I'm doing. Roan puts his hands on the other woman, and she straddles him. Teaching me that indeed, two can play this game. I do something I'd normally never do in public, and bend over, shaking my ass on Logan. Roan is still feeling up the woman, and when his hands lead onto her breasts I become disgusted, but I continue my action. I stand up and when Logan goes to kiss me, I stop. I'm not kissing him. I'm using him. Roan practically pushes the lady off of him and she huffs an irritating look. I push Logan away and Roan gets up and starts walking over. "What the fuck do you think you're doing?" He asks. "The same as you were with that whore!" I yell. The music is just to loud. "You're so fucking stubborn!" "And so are you, prick!" With those last words of mine, he pulls my face to him and plants his lips onto mine. Oh. My. Fucking. God. I've missed this. I hold onto the back of his neck and explore his arms with my other hand. He brings me closer with his grip, holding onto the small of my back. He picks me up and I don't care who's looking, I wrap my legs around him. I bring my lips to his ear and say, "Fuck Me." He moans and places both of his hands onto my ass. He must know this club well, because in two seconds he throws open a door that leads to the bathroom, and has me pinned against a sink. "Have you fucked anyone?" I ask, breathless because of our lust. "No, you?" He asks. "No. But I have pleased myself to you." He stops kissing me. "You touched yourself, picturing me?" "Yes. Over and over again." He groans and I pull his shirt above his head, revealing his peaking abdominal muscles to me.
Fuck, it's been so long. "You look so good." He kisses my neck and I bite my lip. I take my shirt off and he kisses my breast, sending a quiver down my spine and my legs are already shaking my with want. "You just, every part of you, fuck." Roan doesn't have any words. He's speechless, just like I need him to be. "I want you from behind." He pulls my pants down and I slide out of my underwear. He puts his fingers to my pussy and every nerve impulse I have goes running. I've never wanted sex more in my life. He doesn't bend me over like I expected him to, but instead turns me around and pulls himself close to me. He takes out a condom from his pocket and I don't care if that wasn't intended for me, now it is. Standing up, he slides into me and I can't hold myself up. He wraps his arm around my waist and pulls me to and from him, colliding our bodies in an erotic dance. "I want you, all the time, everywhere." He removes himself from me and sets my bare body up on the counter, spreading my legs apart. "I've waited to taste you for so long." He puts his fingers inside my wetness and rubs, filling his fingers with my moisture. He puts his fingers into his mouth and licks my cum off, reveling in the taste as he says "Always so good." He sticks his eager cock back into my pulsating pussy and pounds into me, thrusting me into the back of the wall. My head is against the wall and with each fast thrash, the aggression becomes clearer and I love the roughness. He buries his head into my neck and I hold onto his shoulders, exploring every strong muscle that I've always admired. He fills me with his orgasm and I lean back and grasp any inch of the wall I could hold onto as I revel in my pleasure. When we're finished, I expect our sex to be over but it's not. "I meant it when I said I needed a taste." He spreads my legs even further apart and bends down in front of me, causing the picture I've imagined when I'm touching myself, to become a real one. He puts his two fingers to my clit and pressures them down, licking me with his tongue. Between the exploration of his tongue and the rhythm of his fingering me, my thighs begin to shake uncontrollably as I orgasm into the greatest bliss. He licks all of me and sucks the moisture off of his fingers, before standing up and putting his clothes back on. Before I do the same I stare at him for a few short moments, and realize something.
Even if we don't wind up being together forever, even if tonight was somehow our goodbye, I will forever cherish the simple moments- like watching him put his clothes back on after our filthy sex.