I D I O T (Bakugou x Female Reader)

2 - What's wrong with me

As I make my way to the designated area, each step I take sounds louder than the last. Drowning out every other sound, I become surrounded by the thumping of my heartbeat and the gravel beneath my shoes as I walk forward.

I become hit with a strange feeling if claustrophobia. I feel as if I am in a room whose wallpapers mock me.  Reflecting how pathetic I truly am.

Taking a deep breath I take the baseball into my hand, feeling the weight of it. My mind is consumed with negative thoughts. An entire novel of ways I am destined to fail.

Your terrible at everything! Useless, useless, useless!

Worthless trash how could I ever have a daughter like you

It's all your fault

Your fault

Your fault.

Winding my arm back, I throw it as hard as I can, chest heaving from the mini breakdown I was having upstairs. Watching the distance machine, my score kept going, and going and going until it stopped at 69 meters.

I nod, noting that I threw further than I have in years. I walk back to the group, watching Izuku go. I hear a grumble by me, although I was too caught up in my emotions to really process it. Too busy trying to bottle up my emotions from my sudden ptsd. Compressing every bit of pain, anger and guilt I had. Making them smaller, and smaller and smaller.... Until they came together into a brick.

This was something I commonly did when I had my ptsd flare up on me. I'd pick out the emotions, compress them and add them to the walls I kept up around my subconscious, walls to keep in the monster hiding deep inside me. The monster anyone could see if they looked hard enough.

My breathing and heartbeat slowed to normal and everything was right with the world as Izuku threw the ball. Moving on to the next tests, I passed every one with flying colors, my strength coming from my emotions of the event that happened long, long ago.

After finishing the last test, I pulled my (long/short) hair back. I let out a slightly grumble - annoyed at how hot Japan weather proved to be. Starting my walk back to the gym to change, Uraraka surprises me with her usual bubbly smile. It's almost like she came out of nowhere..

My thoughts turn to her smile as I thinkI wish I could be that positive. She seems like a really nice person too. She begins to wave her hand in front of my face,  snapping me out of my thoughts.

"Asunaaaaa you there?" she asks, concerned. "Yeah, right here, I was just thinking" I say with a nervous laugh. "I do that all the time" she says with a giggle as she drops her concerned tone. I like her sense of humor I mentally jot down.

 "Also, I came over here to ask you, did you use your quirk at all during the tests? I mean, I know you did really good, but I didn't see any signs of a quirk being used" she said, curious.

"I didn't actually. I've been training for the past few years just so I'd be able to protect myself without my quirk. Plus it isn't really useful unless I'm using it on someone." I said, explaining to her.

"Ohhhh, that makes more sense, what is your quirk anyway?" She asks casually "I'd rather not say, it's honestly really embarrassing. People tend to resent me after I show them." I say as we reach the gym, changing back into my other clothes.

"Don't say that Y/N! I bet your quirk is amazing" Uraraka says as she gets into her uniform next to me. Oh Uraraka, I wish it was . "I'm sure your quirk is much better than mine." I assure her as I slip my shoes on. "I'll see you tomorrow Uraraka. I have to go home and do some chores." I say to her as I grab my bag. "Sounds good, see you then. Walk home safe!" She says, giving me a big grin. "I'll do my best" I say back, returning the grin. I began to walk home, with the knawing feeling that she might be wrong.