Force Destiny

Light in the Darkness

Rey huddled in the corner of her bunk, eyes swollen, cheeks stiff from dried tears. Rose's words were like sand slipping through her fingers as Rey sat alone, fighting the darkness that demanded entry. Sleep evaded her, her mind screamed for peace, and as she drifted in her dark purgatory, she was more certain than ever that the events she had seen in Kylo's mind were true. She knew she forced herself to forget it all, because she felt that desire to forget again. The darkness gnawed away at her hope, dimming it. All she wanted was to be the woman she once believed she was, but that was impossible. Kylo had lost hope when he had discovered he was related to a monster, but she had discovered that she was the monster.

It was strange; she first feared her connection with Kylo because she saw herself in him and feared becoming him. After she truly saw him for who he was, she had hope that their similarities and understanding would be a lifeline to help save him. She no longer feared becoming him. Now she feared becoming the very reason Ben Solo was lost for good. Maybe Rose and Finn would always be there for her, but they would never understand this, not like Kylo did. Rose made everything sound so simple, but it wasn't. More than anything, she wanted to return to those moments under the stars and in the refresher and the storage and training rooms, she wanted the comfort and safety of their bond, she wanted him. Even if it wasn't what she wanted to hear, she believed Kylo would know what to do. It would so easy to find him across the bond.

But she feared her darkness.

She could almost feel Sidious lurking, waiting for their bond to open another connection between them. She feared the darkness in ways she never had before. The longer she struggled to sleep, the further her thoughts spiraled. In her fear, she was convinced of one truth; their bond wasn't safe.

If she shut him out, however, he would believe she did it out of hatred. He would believe she had intentionally tried to kill him because of the secrets Sidious revealed. Despite her initial impulsive reaction, she wasn't angry at Kylo anymore, for any of it. She had no idea when he had given the others information about the Millennium Falcon, but after all he had done to protect her, she refused to believe it had been a recent divulgement. After her reaction to his knowledge of their whereabouts on Barkhesh, she understood why he had been hesitant to reveal that he had been the one to provide Maz with the coordinates to the new base. What mattered, in the end, was that he was trying to protect them.

The secret he withheld about her parents – it hurt, profoundly, especially because he knew what it was like to be blindsided by the truth about his family. But he had seen her after her fall into the cave of Ahch-To, he knew what it would do to her. When they were little more than enemies, he had made the choice to protect her from that pain. He had wanted her to join him, had wanted her to fall to darkness, but the good man in him hadn't allowed it. He had rationalized it how he needed to at the time to himself, but deep down, Kylo had known the suffering it would cause. He knew she would fall to doubt and darkness, and he had tried to stop it. If she hadn't been certain before that Ben Solo had always been in there, that painful choice proved it. She believed he had it in him to turn, and that their bond could be influential in his success. The only question was – would their bond be an asset in his turn or a hindrance.

Everyone was in danger and it was all her fault. Her fear and anger had allowed the darkness inside, and with the darkness... the greatest threat to the galaxy. Two of the strongest Force users in the war struggled with a darkness that left them vulnerable to a monster's control and illusions. Their bond had not only been used against them, but nearly used to coerce one of them to surrender their freedom. She was under no delusion that a scenario could arise where she could become a target as well.

Sidious had them cornered. Rey knew they were stronger together. If she blocked Kylo out, it would be easier for the monster to exploit their weaknesses. But if she didn't block Kylo out, Sidious would use the bond against them. At stake was not just their lives, but the entire galaxy. There was no easy answer. The fear of losing the ones she loved overshadowed her desires, but the pain of her loneliness was unbearable. The fear and uncertainty and loneliness made it far more difficult to shut the dark out now. She grasped onto the light with everything she had.