Force Destiny

Dice

The blastdoor opened, and Kylo knew who it was without looking. For what it was worth, Ben was lucky to have earned her love, because she was fiercely loyal and determined. The stubborn woman always visited the same time every morning to deliver his meal. She would watch him eat as she barely touched her own. Either she was incredibly picky, or she didn't have a large appetite. Most days she would offer him her portion after he finished his. He always refused it—the woman looked gaunt, like she could use the meal—but she offered it anyway. There was something to be said about her obstinance. "May I come in, Kylo?"

He hadn't been sleeping well. He was irritated with the situation, and her, and he was prepared to answer with something sharp and dismissive along the lines of that never stopped you before, when he realized what name she had used. His eyes met hers as she handed him his meal. "You called me Kylo."

"You are..." she started, but paused, choosing her words carefully.

".... not the man you thought I was?" he finished.

She shook her head sadly. "I wanted you to be; I tried to make you him, but you're not. And that's...reality."

"You'll let me go?" he said, too eagerly. He caught her wince and tried to remind himself that this would take patience. Finn had talked about how difficult this separation would be for her; he had talked of lengths at the steps they were taking to give Kylo his freedom. It had taken longer than they had all expected, but this was progress. He could wait. He wanted to end the suffering, but he was acutely aware that the end of his torment would signal the beginning of hers. Or, at least, signal a new phase of her suffering. There was no denying the pain he caused her every time she saw him.

"What if...I wanted to get to know you instead?" she asked, wringing her hands. It was hopeful in a way it hadn't been since he had awoken in the medbay. When her eyes found his, they radiated hope as well. There was something about her eyes. They weren't familiar, exactly, but there was something that drew him to them all the same. It would have been so easy, he thought, to fall in love with this woman. Despite her assertions, he knew the problem was that she could never fall in love with him. She was still in love with someone else. He should have said as much, but that wasn't what came out.

"Why?"

It was the most meaningful question Kylo had ever asked her.

Why? Why make this harder than it has to be?

"I have never let anyone in like I did with you...with who you used to be," she answered. "We found belonging in each other before, because we understood each other in ways no one else could. We could do it again. Even the Force wanted us together; that is why we had a bond." Kylo closed his eyes in disappointment. She didn't really want to know him. She was still holding onto the past; she wouldn't let go of what had been. His anger focused on the idea that the Force was her excuse for refusing to let go, as if it was sentient in its prolonging of their suffering.

"The Force is a living thing now?"

She blinked as if she had forgotten who she was talking to. "It is the energy between all living things. Each being's energy is connected by a thread, and all those threads are connected in a grand design of fate that is hidden to us all. Though we are sensitive to it and can manipulate it, the Force still guides us to its will."

Kylo decided he hated the Force. Why would anyone want something to control them, to make their life choices for them? All he wanted was to be free. "And you think these immense cosmic connections of intelligent design care about what happens to us? Why would the Force connect us – you and me?"

"You and I," she corrected automatically, but there was something more than a pedantic obsession with grammar in her eyes. It was as if the words were a clue to something he wasn't quite grasping. Was this a typical remark Ben had made? Was it an inside joke? A memory? Disappointment shadowed her features, casting doubt over her fragile hope. When she spoke, her words were certain, but her tone was not. "Yes, I'll always believe that."