Force Destiny

Aftermath

Rey should have been reeling from her decision. She felt empty and broken, but the pain had lessened since she made her choice. Even in her desperation to hold onto their love, she knew she couldn't keep them both in a limbo of suffering. The truth was, and would always be, that she didn't want Kylo. If she honestly believed it was only his memories that he had lost, she would have fought to make new ones with him. But Rey remembered something Dev had said in one of the portals in the World Between Worlds.

No matter what your book says, Ben, to save a life would require a life. And even if it's possible, unless you have part of his soul inside you from blood, bond, or healing, you will restore him in body only. It would require a power beyond all of us.

Restore him in body only.

Maybe love wasn't enough. Maybe she brought back his body...but not Ben. Rey had forgotten Ben once, but she had still felt drawn to him for reasons she couldn't explain. Kylo didn't. This man was like her parents. He didn't trust her, he didn't want her, he would never love her. Not like Ben did. She couldn't hate him; he wasn't a bad person, but he would never be hers. She had tried to see him once for who he was. Then she let him go. She wasn't doing either of them favors by still holding on to a...

Ghost.

She had been grieving Ben since he closed his eyes on that shuttle, but the moment she got to know Kylo for the man he was was the moment that she was forced to accept that Ben was never coming back. The moment she got to know Kylo for who he was, she knew it was only fair to let him go. She would watch over him, ensuring that he was safe, and that would have to be enough. Seeing him alive, seeing him happy—it would be enough.

She expected to feel something, anything, with that initial realization, but the death of her hope was an oddly empty feeling. Admitting Ben would never come back shouldn't have ended the tears, but, for the first time in weeks, she felt nothing. It reminded her of the moment of peace when the dying accepted that their breaths were numbered.

Hope was a tricky emotion. It was quite like the sun, she decided, both the giver of life and the facilitator of death. Sometimes it was the only thing that kept people going when the path was at its bleakest, but at other times, it sustained suffering so that people were stuck in a purgatory where they couldn't move on. Every day she had stepped into that room filled with hope only for it to decay inside her into a dark hole of disappointment. Maybe she was just thankful that particular brand of suffering—stripping her of her identity as much as it was stripping him of his—had finally come to an end.

"Rey?" Rose said, knocking as she waited outside the blastdoor.

Rey did her best to smile before pressing her hand over the door control. Rose walked inside and immediately wrapped Rey in an embrace. "I did it," Rey whispered into her friend's shoulder. There was surprisingly no emotion in her voice. "I let him go."

Rose wrapped her tighter in the embrace. "I know. I'm so proud of you."

"I don't feel anything,' Rey admitted. "Is that wrong?"

"I don't think anything you feel is wrong," her friend said against her shoulder.

Rey was grateful Rose supported her as steadfastly as she had after Ben had died. It was different now. Part of it was easier because his heart still beat steadily in his chest. Most of it was far more complicated. She still grieved Ben, the love between them, and the future lost. Ben was still gone, only this time she had to see a walking imposter as a reminder of what she was missing. She knew there would come a time when she did feel something. It wasn't until Rose stepped back with glistening eyes that Rey realized the universe had taken her words as a challenge. Judging by the pained expression on her friend's face, the emptiness would fade sooner than anticipated.