Pretty Boy [bxb] | ✔️

• Chapter fifty-five: You're a complete and utter piece of shit

You're a complete and utter piece of shit

It is bloody hot.

Because of this, Alex and I decide to meet up with Kenzie, Lucy and Jake at a popular local outdoor swimming pool near the beach. I almost regret this decision as soon as we arrive. Kids from our school are everywhere; even Alex's ex, who also happens to be my brother's girlfriend, Esme. Great.

I think that going out and having a bit of fun with our friends will help Alex. He's still not fine, and I don't expect him to be. I've been trying to keep him busy in any way that I can, mainly by getting out of the house. It seems to work, and I guess it helps him take his mind off things, I know it does for me. Staying cooped up indoors doesn't do anyone good; definitely not for someone who isn't OK right now.

I hesitate while taking off my shirt. I've never been made fun of for my body or anything, it really is all in my head, but while people aren't saying judgemental things out loud, that isn't to say it's not happening in their minds. Alex likes to remind me that people don't think of me anywhere as near as much as I think they do—except him. He thinks of me in sexy ways, he felt the need to add.

I take his reminders into account and assess how I think of others. I'm not judging them, I don't care what they're wearing, so why should they care about my body? This works enough to get me to not wrap my arms around my torso once my shirt is off. I've got nothing to hide because there's nothing to be ashamed of, to say to myself.

"Those are short," Alex had said to me when I walked out of the bathroom in just my shorts right before we left. I have longer shorts, but I wore short ones for a reason. To say fuck you to my stupid insecurities.

"It's a way of, like, trying to be more confident." I smiled, sucking in a breath, almost like I'm readying myself. For what, I don't know.

"I'm not complaining. They make your ass look great." He grinned cheekily. When I'm close enough, his hands are on them. "My sexy boy."

I intend to spend my time here sunbathing, so while Alex, Jake and Lucy go off to splash around in the pool, Kenzie and I stay behind on the sun beds, the sun hitting flush against our skin slowly tanning us, a few drops of water from the pool splashing us.

"Can you put sun block on my back, please? I can't reach," Kenzie asks me once the others have all jumped in the water.

The girl has not held back on the amount of skin that she's showing, wearing a skimpy black string bikini. She says that she doesn't care about the opinions of anyone else, and that misogyny can go and fuck itself. I want to be more like Kenzie: carefree and confident. I'm nowhere near, unfortunately. Of course, I'm not planning on parading around in a bikini—not that there's any problem with a guy doing that—but I would like to be comfortable in my own skin for once.

"Sure," I respond, so she hands me the sunblock and sits in front of me. As I get to work, I can see Alex looking at us. He suddenly looks unimpressed, and then he's laughing. I assume Kenz did something. "What did you do?"