jungkook imagines; bts

- river of tears -

「angst」

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here he was, standing right in front of your grave, wondering what he could've done to save you, to prevent your death. tears continuously steaming down his face, maintaining an emotionless expression as he pretends to be okay.

while everyone was sobbing loudly after your death, he couldn't do so anymore. it was like he had already been drained out the first time he saw your lifeless body lay on the hospital bed. he couldn't help but feel so guilty and heartbroken as you guys fought before your death.

you were terminally ill but you hid it from him so well. he wished that he spent a majority of time with you and to savor every moment while it lasted, but instead, he just had to cause a big fight, leaving you both heavy hearted. he left the house angrily for a while as you headed to the hospital right after he left.

that day was your last day and you just wanted to spend a lot of time with your boyfriend happily before it all ends. you wrote a really long letter to him, just to reassure him that it's not his fault. you explained everything all in that letter and with the last few words, you finished. you put it in the envelope and placed it neatly on the desk, informing the doctors to give it to him.

and in the last few minutes, you texted everyone you were quite close to a farewell as some knew about your condition. you texted jungkook one last 'i love you', hoping that it would ease the pain later on. once the clock ticked another minute, you fell unconscious and passed away.

the doctors ran immediately to check on you before confirming your death. they called people you were close with to inform them about your passing. it took a few tries to get to jungkook to answer. once he answered, they informed him about your death and he dropped his phone, out of shock.

he couldn't believe that his loved one had passed and could never return to him ever again. he ran to his car and drove like a maniac to the hospital. he ran in the building and to the front desk, asking the receptionist with desperation so visible in his voice just to find you.

when he saw your lifeless body laying at the morgue, he couldn't help but feel immense guilt, heartbreak, and pain all at once. he let out loud sobs and a bunch of 'i'm sorry's' to your dead body. the doctor handed him the note you wrote for him but it only made him sob louder. he couldn't maintain himself from crying that day.

his tears flowed down like rivers as each day passed. he continued buying your favorite flowers and placed them on your grave. his life changed drastically as he couldn't focus on anything he was doing and often broke down in the middle of it.

he often made excuses to avoid going into therapy though he really needed help in order to get his life together again. for him, it just seems impossible without you. for him, it felt like he should've stepped off the edge of earth and sink into this hole where his existence could be erased.

he felt so much regret knowing that you probably have died with a heavy heart after fighting with him. he stared at the envelope in which it was your letter to him that he hasn't opened, knowing it'll pain him to read it. he decided that it was time to open it and read what you have to say, even if it will bring an overflowing amount of tears that'll stream down his face.

he took a deep breath before reading your letter out loud. in the letter you wrote,

dear jungkook,

how are you love? have you eaten? are you taking care of yourself? i hope you are. anyways, i'm writing this letter to let you know everything. i'm truly sorry for not informing you in the first place, i just didn't want to burden you with the fact that i'm dying. two years ago, i found out that i had been diagnosed with stage four ovarian cancer. i've been trying to get treatment so i'll get better, but it seems like it just has spread through all of my body. i couldn't be helped anymore, but i tried to stay positive so at least the pain won't feel so bad. i tried to make myself look decent and not ill, as it would motivate me to become stronger, even if i couldn't. i didn't want to suffocate you with this information, but i assumed you'd be curious to why i never told you. i only hid it because i didn't want to burden you nor did i want to think about it. you were my only escape and my oxygen. please don't be too sad or cry over me everyday, it will get better, i promise. please stay healthy and happy, and if you happen to fall in love with someone else, go for it, as long as you're happy! don't let me stop you from your happiness, forget all the sad memories we had and stop blaming yourself! remember all the good times we had and forget the sad. remember i love you so much my love. thank you for staying by my side for the past couple years. it's my time to go now but, remember, you are loved and you are the most amazing boyfriend in the world. you deserve so much. i love you, goodbye.

love,
y/n ♡

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jungkook had a river of tears as he finished reading your sentimental letter. he held the letter to his chest so tightly as if he were holding you for the last time. he never got the chance to say i love you one last time before you left the world. he couldn't stop his heart wrenching sobs from leaving his mouth as tears continued to flow down his cheeks.

"i love you, so so much," he cried out, hoping you got to hear that from where you are now.

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