The Wish From Heaven | ✓

chapter 5 : the ways humans show love

"So you have like, never looked at these at all?" July asks, pointing to the box of porn comics, CDs and magazines.

"No time, no interest," I reply.

"Thoughtful of your brother to give 'em all to you, though."

"Nah, he just had no use for them after he realized he is gay."

"Excuse me? Gay in the household of Alison Lockwood?" he exclaims, once again in a bad British accent, to which I slightly smile.

It was over a year ago. Dale came back home after a week from a science event arranged by his uni, went straight to his room, then came straight to mine, dropping the box beside my table, where I was residing then, and declaring, in his usual monotone of a voice, "It appears that I'm gay." A pause, and then, "So if you aren't, feel free." And then he left.

Next day, when Dawn came, I told him to take whatever interested him. He picked up one magazine, chanted random verses from the Bible, put it back and left, saying that he will be back after a short conversation with God in the church. I laughed until my stomach couldn't take it anymore. 

Presently, I tell July, "So that's how it ended up with me."

"But like, didn't you say you guys aren't close?"

"Yeah, we aren't."

"But he came out to you? That means you are close, right?"

"No. It's because he knows I don't care. And I truly don't."

"That's— that's kinda weird?"

"I know."

"What's the reason, though? You two not being close."

"Nothing at all. That's how it's been like for as long as I remember. He never showed any care for me, so I ended up doing the same. It's kind of similar with my dad too."

My whole family is pretty weird. We are all disconnected from each other, and yet we are living under the same roof. Our relationships have grown weak and cold, to the point that I have a hard time imagining I am related to them my blood.

"Hmm, but Dale did look pretty worried when you fainted," July says. "When you were asleep, he came to check on you a few times."

"Did he now?" I ask, but don't bother with that information. I complete the narrative essay, close my copy, and sigh. I look at the clock, striking a quarter to seven now, and sigh again. Time to go down for breakfast and listen to that woman's lectures.

I get up from the table and turn to July, who was pushing the porn box back under the bed. "Did you eat something? Do you want me to sneak away some food for you?"

The look he gives me makes my heart sink. He hides it quickly, then turns his face away and says, "No, my friend, you won't have to. Let's go downstairs."

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I meet Dale at the stairs as soon as I come out of my room.

He looks at me with the same tired and solemn eyes from behind his rectangular glasses. Usually, he would just avoid me and go his own way, but today, much to my surprise, he asks, "When'd you wake up?"

As I am unprepared for a question from my older brother, I take a little long to respond. I only realize that he is waiting for a reply after July nudges me. "Oh, uh, a few hours ago," I say.

Dale nods, then looks at my uniform. He points at it and asks, "Wait, you're in high school?"

I hold back a snort. At least I know that he is 22 years old and in his last year at college. It is almost funny how our relationship is - living in the same house and not knowing simple things like which grade I'm in, but knowing great secrets like what his sexuality is. I hear July's sigh of disappointment. Putting on the same frown and pointing a finger at him the same way, I ask Dale, "Wait, you're my brother?"