Two Fangs Deep

A Gathering

 I studied Matt for a second. His heart... It was so human and I found myself drawn to him in the oddest way. I can't explain it but I know deep down that It is a feeling I should ignore.  It's hard to understand that he has remained so human despite everything that had happened to him. I admire that...

"I envy you, you know that?" I stated looking away from him.

 "How can someone like you, envy someone like me?" He asked in disbelief. I chuckled at his response. 

"Because I know that living a longer life isn't always a better one. Keep your friends close for as long as you can because, in the end, you are left infinitely and utterly alone..." I said trying to smile it off but failing miserably.

Matt looked at me with a thoughtful expression. 

"I think I already know what you're talking about. I've been alone for a long time since my dad left, my mom was an egotistic, addict, and my sister... she died." Matt said looking anywhere that was at me. I slowly placed my hand on his shoulder and squeezed. 

"You're not alone, Donovan. You're friends love you, a lot. I can see it in their eyes. They'd do anything for you... You may not be able to see that now but you will, eventually. Hopefully, it won't be too late by then." I smiled at him, trying to make him feel better. 

"Okay, this is getting depressing! Let's change the subject!" I exclaimed clapping my hands together, trying to lighten the mood. 

"Anyone you've got a special eye on?" I said nudging his shoulder. Matt smiled and let out a quick laugh.

 "No, not for the time being." he chuckled with a hidden emotion in his eyes. 

I wrapped my arm over his shoulders and pulled him in, in a friendly manner. 

"Let me tell you something, Matt. You're going to fall in love many times throughout your life. The next better than the last, and when you find the best one, she, or he,  will stick around." I winked at him. 

I felt a sting deep in my heart. I had trouble believing my own words but deep down I wanted to believe them. That other people, like Matt, may have the chance I never had. I ruffled his hair and he laughed as he broke away from my hold. 

"You know, Ira. I want to believe you but once you fall in love with someone, I don't know if you can ever shake them." There was a knowing truth in his eyes as he spoke those words. 

"You're still young, Matt. You're in no rush to find the one. Enjoy your youth while it lasts." I smiled combing a hand through my hair, leaning back on my hands as I let my gaze drift back to the darkness that had fallen over the yard.

"What about you? Anyone out there for you?" Matt asked. As his words reached my ear I felt a chill go down my spine and a stab to my heart. 

I shook my head letting my hair cover my face as I answered; 

"No, I don't think so, Donovan. After all these years I have realized that the reason I don't find love must be that I don't deserve it... And, honestly, I'm fine with that." I said barely above a whisper, as I looked down on my hands avoiding Matt's piercing blue eyes studying me as if he was trying to figure out something.

After a few moments of silence, Matt decided to speak; 

"They way you speak, the way you act sounds like more than just a broken heart... Someone broke your trust." He said calmly with honest sincerity in his voice. 

My head snapped in his direction. As I looked into his eyes it was like I was looking at a kindred soul. Someone who had been wronged by the world. Treated unfairly and has been used by many. I felt something spark inside me and a sudden feeling of extreme vulnerability came over me. No, I can't do this. Not with him, not like this, not now, not ever.