Apology

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"When Cameron said you'd come running back to me, I didn't think it would be this soon."

Blair stood next to the couch with her hands crossed. She could not believe this was actually happening; just the other day she was in MJ Billings' office begging her not to have her license revoked, and now it was MJ begging for help.

Blair was never the type to turn away someone when they desperately needed her help, but for the first time ever, she was contemplating to. She still remembered how MJ treated her when she went to her office to ask not to have her license revoked, how she had desperately pleaded for her not to ruin her career over a misunderstanding.

But that never stopped her. She had not practiced for more than two years now, and had lived off her pension money which was slowly running out.

MJ Billings had proved who she really was when she made sure that no one would help Blair out, she had her blacklisted and made it clear that Blair would never practice as long as it was up to MJ.

When two years passed without any patients, Blair was sure she was done for. "Give me one good reason why I shouldn't throw you out of my house right now like you did me?" She asked in a hard voice, tears burning in her eyes.

It was funny because she had never been so attached to a patient like she was to MJ Billings. It hurt that MJ failed to see that Blair cared about her, but it hurt even more seeing her in pain.

She walked over to the couch and helped MJ to her feet before directing her to the three-seater couch. She also got her a glass of water when she started to hiccup.

MJ looked like she was going to faint, she looked ghostly pale and thinner than the last time Blair saw her. Clearly, life had taken its toll on her for all her sins.

"Please, help me. I know I don't deserve it, but I don't have anybody else. Please."

It was a heartbreaking sight to see MJ Billings begging for help. Had she finally realized that she had absolutely no one in her life because she had pushed them all away?

Wasn't the money she threw in people's faces not enough to fight the skeletons in her closet?

"Whatever happened to Anita, Samantha, Jorge, Sandra, and Alastair?" She bit her tongue as soon as the question slipped past her lips.

MJ broke down in response, clutching her chest for dear life. "He is dead!" She wailed. "Alastair is dead, Blair."

Tears streamed down her face as she started to put the pieces together. "I– I'm sorry for your loss," she said and quickly wiped her tears. "But i can't help you, MJ."

MJ's eyes widened in panic, and she shook her head pleadingly. "I've lost so much already; I can't afford to lose Cameron too. Please help me be a better person for him. I'll do anything you want, I'll pay you whatever you want, I'll even have your licence renewed!"

Blair shook her head in disapproval, clearly MJ had not learnt a thing. "You think that is what this is about? Money, my license?" She asked. "May Jeanette, I don't care about any of those things. I only cared about you!"

Loud silence followed as fresh tears streaked down her face. "I've also lost a lot in the past and I've lost people I loved because they didn't love me enough to stick by my side." She shook her head dismally. "But you, you have a whole lot of people who care for and would do anything to see you happy and you don't even see it. When you walked into my life, you became a big part of it, I actually never thought I'd lose you too." She smiled sadly.

"I'm sorry," MJ said desperately.

"It is already late, you can stay here for the night, but I want you gone first thing in the morning." A lone tear rolled down MJ's face as Blair walked away, she could not stand the broken look on her face any longer.

She went to her bedroom, passing a door that once used to be her solitude. However, she did not sleep an ounce, an hour later, MJ was screaming in the sitting room. Blair rushed into the room and found MJ shaking in her sleep.

It did not matter that she did not even have a blanket over her or that it was actually a bit chilled, she was drenched in her own sweat, her clothes and hair sticking to her clothes.

"MJ!" She shook her gently. "MJ, wake up," she whispered softly. "May Jeanette!"

MJ quickly sat up straight, breathing at the top of her lungs as if she had just submerged from underwater. Her eyes wandered around every corner of the room as if her mind was trying to pick up on her location.

The moment her eyes landed on Blair, it was as if everything finally clicked into place.

Blair sat there in unhidden shock, her eyes watery. She sucked in a deep breath and dragged her hand over her hair. "You had a nightmare."

"Nothing new," MJ muttered dryly.

"You weren't waking up, I was worried."

MJ cleared her throat and shifted farther into the couch as if it would cushion her from her nightmares. "Thank you."

Blair pulled a cushion and a bottle of pills fell on the floor. Silence followed as they both stared at the orange bottle. She picked it up and started reading the contents. "Where did you get this from? It is not even prescribed under your name," she noted, bewildered.

Her heart hardened as she read the date on the bottle, the pills were bought less than a week ago, but it was almost empty. How many pills was she taking at a time and for how long had this been going on?

Without warning, she walked over to the coffee table and opened MJ's handbag before emptying out the contents on the table. Bottle after bottle of pills fell out. She turned to MJ with her hand over her mouth.

"It doesn't work anyway," MJ said in her defence before laying back on the couch with her back turned against Blair.

Wordlessly, Blair fetched the trashcan and threw all the tablets before going to get a fleece blanket for MJ. If she ever considered taking MJ back, she surely had a lot of work to do.

That night she barely slept a wink, she sat up all night soothing and comforting MJ every time she had a nightmare. It was the longest night in the history of her career.

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