Home Sweet Home Pt.2

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"It was not real; it was all a lie. They lied to me, they lied to me!" Logan yelled as he came down on his knees, his chest rising frantically as he breathed heavily.

Antonina came into the room once he seemed a bit calmer, she had waited outside while he teared the place down and yelled as if his life depended on it.

Obviously he had thought he was over his pain when he returned to work and then went to London.

The reason she had encouraged him to go to London was that he could get a chance to speak to MJ and get the closure he needed. She could see it eating him up every time someone paid their condolences and from all the pitiful looks he received.

She thought he had spoken to MJ – he told her he had spoken to her. Clearly, he lied, and now they were back to square one; hopefully he would not drown himself in alcohol again, or better yet, go around beating up people.

Logan had never really dealt with the whole baby issue well, the last time he was in this house was the night he feared Carmen would lose their baby, only to find out that there was no baby.

Her home was his safe haven, and whether be chose to accept it or not, they both knew it was true. And as much as she felt like she would be putting his life at risk after her encounter with Javier Mendoza, she had no other choice but to shelter him.

"I'm just tired of pretending. Everyone expects me to act all tough and strong, and walk on as if nothing happened," he said in a broken voice, silent tears rolling down his face.

Antonina's heart swelled at the sight. She never thought she would see Logan Parker cry, let alone shed a lone tear. Sure she hated his guts before, but she preferred the old Logan to broken and battered Logan. She shook her head in disapproval, and then helped him up before leading him out of the room.

Her plan was to leave the house immediately, but he decided to sit down on the last staircase, leaning against the rail.

Antonina sighed and plopped down next to him. "This is exactly why I didn't want us to come here," she said.

Logan did not reply. He had a sad look on his face that was not there before, he looked lost and hopeless. "For a moment I had hope, you know," he said quietly. "There was something in her eyes, something I could not understand." She knew exactly what he meant, she was in his shoes a few times in the last few weeks. "I still understand; it was as if she was beckoning me to help her in some way. But every time I held her gaze, there was nothing."

Antonina decided to let him talk, to give him a chance to express himself and let it all out. Even though she empathised with him, she did not say anything.

MJ was always a mystery. She got a glimpse of her once. There were times where she just looked like a little girl and she had this longing look in her eyes; like she missed being the little girl she once was, with no stress and worries.

But then that window always closed before anyone could see it, and was replaced by this painful expression she appeared not to want anyone to see.

She wanted to point that out to Logan, but he would think that Antonina was defending her, which she was not. But that girl went through something; something dark and painful, and even after so many years, it was still holding her back.

As if reading her thoughts, Logan spoke, "She wasn't the happiest girl, growing up, and sometimes I understand her pain. Growing up in a family where nobody loves you..." He swallowed and looked at Antonina. "Her father was never there for her; he blamed MJ for his wife's death and he always told her she wasn't his daughter; her mother had cheated on him. He wanted to put her in a boarding school, but MJ was the only thing keeping Jorge together. Jorge's mother was the centre of his world and when she died, she took a big chunk of his heart with her.

He was only seven and depressed, Georgia was the only parent he ever knew because his father was never really there. So, MJ's birth was like the beginning of a new life for him. He treasures her, but she doesn't even see it. She was always bitter after–" he paused and sat up straight as if he had just stepped on a bomb trigger.

Antonina turned to him in question. "After what? Logan, you know something, don't you?" She prompted, narrowing her eyes at him in suspicion.

He shifted uncomfortably and buried his face in his palms. "I promised I would never tell anyone else," he muffled into his hands. "I promised her."

She was not sure whether it was out of curiosity to solve the mystery being MJ Billings or the concern for Logan's well-being with his recurring meltdowns, but for some reason, she wanted to know what he knew. "At this point, you are still worried about breaking a promise you made years ago?" She wondered.

Logan shook his head. "It is not that, I just... This has been weighing me down for so many years, okay? I've never told anyone about it. It is not my secret to tell."

"It is not your burden to bear either," she shot back.

He sighed exasperatedly. " I can't tell you, all I can say to you is that MJ has spent all her life trying to find herself, and I understand how that feels. I know how it is to feel like you don't belong, to be rejected and cast aside," he said distantly.

MJ's childhood immediately flew out of her mind and she looked at Logan with concern. "Your stepmother?" She asked, remembering what he had told her earlier about being adopted.

"She never failed to remind me that I wasn't a Parker, that I would never be a Parker. She always left me out of everything she did with Montana and Cameron, and she used every opportunity she got to tell me about how my parents never wanted me and abandoned me, she never let me forget."

"Forget what?"

"After he adopted me, my father forced me to have electroshock therapy after he found out I was having bad dreams about my past. I don't remember much about my real parents, only the images Lorena planted in my head."

She had only ever met Lorena Parker once in her life, and the only time she saw her, she told her about how she did not like immigrants like Antonina and that she did not belong. From there on, she made sure to stay out of her sight, fearing that people would dig into her past. "I'm so sorry, Logan," she said sincerely. Unfortunately, Lorena had that effect on everyone.

"I've learnt to live with it, I had enough love from my father and siblings, although neither of them ever stood up to Lorena when she abused me. I learned to survive on my own, to fend for myself. Lorena didn't want to take care of me, I had to learn to cook for myself. When my dad found out, he was so furious, he almost killed her. She hated me even more then," he paused and took in a shaky breath. "She hated me to a point where she even poisoned me."

"What?"

"Father wanted to divorce her, but I think she had something against him, that's why he's still with her today."

"I had no idea you had to go through all that." Now she understood why he did not trust anyone with his food.

He shrugged and leaned against the wall. "It is what it is."

They stayed in silence for a while, both of them lost in their own thoughts. "So, do you still want to stay here?" Antonina asked.

Logan stared at her for a moment, and then smiled. "I like your place better."

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