FIRE & BLOOD • EVAN 'BUCK' BUCKLEY / 9-1-1

11.

{song for this chapter: to build a home // the cinematic orchestra}

Everything happened so fast that my mind was not able to keep up and process any of it. Athena took my place and disappeared into the building, completely ignoring the yells from one of the firefighters. She walked right up to me and told me to leave. She promised they will get Jack out first and everything will be okay. I watched in complete silence as she walked passed me. Her head turned as she searched the street for a face. She nodded her head to the fireman who wouldn't quit screaming after her just moments ago. I think it was Buck's captain.

The masked man allowed one paramedic only inside the bank to come get Jack out. I stood there frozen as I watched Jack be brought out on a gurney. Others rushed to get him into one of the ambulances. He seemed pale and I'm worried that they won't be able to make it to the hospital on time but I can't help but pray. I need him to make it because I can't handle another death today. First I had to watch Tianna die a few feet away from me, then the panicked man and god knows who else is is on the brink of death inside.

Someone spins me around and my instincts kick in as I draw my hand back, ready to punch whoever touched me but I immediately stop when I see who it is. Eyes bluer than the oceans whose waters are filled with panic meet mine.

"It's me! It's just me" he slowly backs up, the sound of his voice is surprisingly calming. For some reason I am able to hear him clearly unlike everything else around me. My mind has blocked out reality. It was deafening silence until he spoke. It's like his voice broke the trance I was in, pulling me out of the state of shock I was stuck in. My lower lip starts to tremble again. It is not like me to be this way. Unable to handle my emotions, keeping them in check. I work at a place where people die all the time and I have to pretend to be a robot as I move forward because there is no time for me to stop and grieve. I can't pause to be sad. There isn't time for me to feel. But out here I am not working. I don't have to go tell someone's family that their loved one is dead. I don't need to move on to the next patient and do everything I can to save their life. Out here I am someone who has just been through hell and back, watched a sweet lady who didn't deserve to die be shot in cold blood. Innocent people fell to their deaths in front of me and there was nothing I could do to prevent it and I am able to feel so I do. I'm scared. Angry. Sad. Inside that building and right here in the middle of this street I don't have to pretend to be a robot. I'm a human who was at the wrong place at the wrong time. I let every emotion wash over me because I'm allowed to here. Tianna's face flashes before my eyes and I swear my knees felt like they were about to give out.

"Stella?" Buck says. I haven't said a word. Nothing comes out and I don't force myself to spit any words. Instead, I throw my arms around Buck's neck. I feel his arms wrap around my body and I embrace the hug of safety. If it were any other normal day I would've never be this close to him but today isn't a normal day and I find myself finding safety in his arms. Don't lose it. Don't break down in his arms, hold on a little bit longer. Moments ago I thought I was going to be killed. Everything around me felt still and cold and dark. That feeling vanished. It all went away the second Buck pulled me in tighter to his body.

"She's dead..." I whisper, finally speaking. "I watched her die and I couldn't save her" I feel a single tear trickle down my cheek. I feel my hands trembling.

"Tianna was innocent. She deserved to live out the rest of her life in a small cozy cottage in some cute village in Italy just how she pictured it. She didn't deserve to die" I find myself rambling. "Maybe if I had worked faster I could've been able to do something but-"

"Stella look at me" his hands are cupping my face now. As I said before if it were any other normal day I would've swatted his hand away but instead I surrender into his touch. I can't help but notice how smooth and warm it is. All my emotions evaporate and are replaced with a sense of calmness and I don't want him to let go. Gigi would be screaming if she were to see me in such close contact with Evan Buckley, the man I swore to stay away from. Someone I refused to give the chance to know me. It must be the shock I'm experiencing or the need for comfort that is causing me to feel this way towards the contact.

"Don't blame yourself for any of this. Please don't do this to yourself. I'm so sorry you couldn't save your friend" his thumb caresses my cheek. I feel another tear but it doesn't fall this time. Buck wipes it away before it could make its way down my face. More of that calm feeling creeps it's way into my stomach. Yep. Definitely has to be the shock. Nothing else. What is happening to me? First there's victor making me think I have a crush on him which I hope I don't. Then there's Buck who's making me question other things. Everything is so damn confusing.

"I know nothing I say will help and god I wish I could do more to take away all the sadness you're feeling right now" he levels his head with mine so we are the exact height now. "But what I can do is have you get checked out. That cut is pretty nasty and I need to make sure you are okay" his eyes are looking at a spot above my eyebrow.

"W-what cut?"

"There's a cut right above your right eyebrow. You have several cuts on your face but this one" he points but makes sure not to touch the spot above my eyebrow, "looks pretty deep. Might need stitches."

It must've been from the glass shattering in front of me but I didn't feel a thing. Fear must overpowered pain in that moment. I glance around the scene. My eyes lock on those front doors. Athena.

"She's still inside" I whisper forgetting about the cut.

"We will get Athena out of there. I promise you but we need to get you to the hospital."

I shake my head. There's no way I can leave here without knowing everyone in there makes it out safe. I want to see those three evil men dragged out of there in handcuffs.

"No. I can't leave until I see Athena walk out, alive."

I hear Buck chuckle. What is funny?

"And you say I'm stubborn" he points at himself then to me.

"Buck!" One of the firefighters from Buck's station walks toward us. He's shorter than Buck but more tan.

"Hey Eddie! Can you do me a favor?" The fireman nods his head at Buck.

"Stella needs to be taken to the hospital," my head snaps around as I glare at Buck. Did he not hear the part where I said I can't leave until I'm sure everyone is safe?

"Be careful, she is a feisty one. Stubborn too" Buck crinkles his nose. Now I feel as my normal self when my eyes roll to the back of my head.

"I'm gonna stay back and help cap, make sure he doesn't lose it."

"I'm not going anywh- BUCK!" With a swift move Buck throws me over his shoulder and is walking away from the scene, Eddie following behind trying to hold in his laughter as he watches me swat at Buck's back. This was no time for laughter or any of this nonsense.

"Put me down!" I demand. I don't know why I bother fighting with him. Buck isn't going to let me stay here and I should accept the fact that he is right. I should go to the hospital. Honestly I don't want to be checked out even though I know I should but the stubborn part of me would rather be here helping out as much as I can.

Buck carefully brings me down and sits me inside the ambulance. I feel like a child as I cross my arms over my chest and pout. Maybe I am acting like a child right now but I don't care. Buck surprises me as he catches my chin between his thumb and index finger, his eyes gazing into mine with such softness.

"It will make me feel better once I know you're okay and not just physically."

"Buck I can't leave here when Athena just put her own life at risk-"

"Athena is a big girl. She can handle herself trust me on that one. That woman is something else. I will stop by the hospital once all this is over" his hand slowly slides off from my chin and falls by his side. I sigh heavily before giving in.

"Fine." This earns me a genuine smile from Buck. He must feel satisfied with seeing me not argue with him because usually I'm barking at him.

"Good to go!" He says to the driver, putting up two thumbs up as a sign everything is clear.

"I will be by your side soon Stella. Stay strong for me" Buck says while he jumps out the ambulance. He slowly brings the doors to a close and I'm left in the back staring off into space.
Stay strong for me.

The ride to the hospital is spent with me not being able shut out the images of Tianna. The image is so fresh and haunting as I see her eyes. She died with her eyes open and that masked face was the last thing she saw before the world closed in on her. Before he took her life away...