Hidden Secrecy ✔

#Chapter 20: I hope things turn out right this time.

After I see her out for school, I realised that I could be a good mother if I try. But then again I had a second thought. What if my addiction comes back? And the violent woman in me will return. I cannot do this to Jennifer. I had made so many mistakes and tortured her enough. And so I made the decision to end this whole problem by ending me.

Jennifer I know that you’re reading this now, and hopefully you are reading this. I just want to tell you how much I’m lucky to have you as my daughter. I’ve been such a bad mother to you and now I will let you go. Have a free life, enjoy your life. I will always be there watching and protecting you. I love you so much Jennifer. I’m sorry for not telling you about your dad and brother’s death. I was just trying to protect you. You will understand when they pay a visit to you soon. I just hope that things could have turn out differently. But I’m sorry for leaving you alone. Just for you to know, I’ve never stop loving your dad and brother. So please don’t you hate them not knowing the reason. You can hate me all you want but just remember that I will always love you sweetheart.

ROSE HUDSON

__________________

I stared at that page, my hands shaking. Slowly drops of liquid fell onto the paper, smudging the pen ink by the damp circles. I close the book so that my tears would not ruin her beautiful handwriting. She thought I would hate her but no, I couldn’t. She’s my mother and no matter how badly she had treated me, I will never in a million years hate her. Why would she think that by ending her life would mean my happiness? That’s just stupid of her!

I brushed away the tears and stared at the well-worn out diary. I hugged it closely to me, treasuring it. I’ve no idea what man had been the cause of this broken family. From the way she said it, it must have hurt her a lot.  I’ve never known that mum and dad had an elope marriage. Was their relationship really not accepted by both their parents? They must have love each other that much to do that. Now I understand how badly she was broken when dad left her. That old man.

I sighed. I never thought that my life would be as complicated as this. But all in all, I had this thing that is still stuck in my mind. You will understand when they pay a visit to you soon. What’s the meaning of this? Who is the ‘they’? And what worries me the most is when is the ‘soon’? I bit my lips and frowned.  I put the diary back into its original position and took out the box at its side. I open the box to only see a beautiful and antique rose pendant with several pieces of photos.

 I flicked the pendant open by its lock at the side and saw a small picture of the family. I was around 3 years old that time. I was smiling widely showing my front teeth but with some missing teeth. I was sitting on mum’s lap and she was smiling so beautifully. Tyson, my brother was beside me, holding my hand, smiling showing his full teeth and dad smiling, looking fondly at all of us. I smile as I tried recalling the time, we were happy.

I clasped that necklace around my neck and look down at how beautiful the pendant is. I flicked through the pictures in the box of me and Tyson together, mum hugging Tyson, Dad lifting me up and me laughing. I smile and feel my eyes tearing at the memories. I found a small note beneath the pictures.

___________

My darling Jennifer, please accept my necklace and treasured it as much as I did years ago. Just know that I love all of you a lot.

Love,

Mum.

___________

I place the small box in the wooden box and clicked the wooden box shut. I kept it into my bag and stand up suddenly feel slightly lighter knowing a bit more about my family. I just hope that I could turn back the time but that’s just impossible. So I know that I will have to move on. For the sake of the rest of my family. Mum wanted me to live my life and be happy and I will do that.