Her Light - His Darkness✔

Chapter 2

Four Years Later.

07 June 2019.

Breathe!

Just breathe!

You've got this!

It's the last year and you'll do great, Logan!

Oh, fuck! Who am I trying to fool here?

As I lay in bed, I try think about anything else except the date, instead, I try to mentally prepare myself for my final year at UCLA, the toughest year yet, so my professors say, the second and final year for clinical rotations. I was accepted into the medical program before my high school graduation. I always wanted to become a surgeon of some sorts. It had nothing to do with McDreamy or even McSteamy. It didn't even have anything to do with the love triangles they show on medical dramas or the hot sex they always seem to be having in the on-call rooms.

I wanted to save lives, keyword in all this is 'wanted to'

I didn't want to change my plans and make new ones when I had everything planned out. I'm going to go according to my old plans even if my heart isn't in it anymore.

I'll do it for them.

I slowly peel my brown comforter with a turquoise and green leaf design all over it, off my body, my feet land softly on the black, plush carpet spread around my room.

I don't have a lot of fancy things, I have a queen-sized bed placed in the center of my room, in front of my bed is a dark brown dressing table with three separate drawers with all my shit in it, you know the essentials, perfumes, lotions, all kinds of jewelry that my parents bought me growing up, including mom's jewelry box, tucked away safely.

On my right is my white bedroom door, with a full-length mirror next to it, to the left is my favorite spot of all, the window-seat. I spend most of my time there when the nightmares plague my dreams.

Different dull-colored fluffy cushions are scattered around the window-seat to make it more comfortable and relaxing for myself, there's a light brown folded up fleece blanket for the cold nights.

I stand in front of my full-length mirror, I take in my appearance from my matted hair atop my head as if the birds have made it their home for years, I've managed to join the raccoon family with the black mess surrounding my eyes from the night before.

I seem like a mess I know; it has been a rough few days leading up to today, the seventh of June, four years ago was and remains the worst day of my life, the day of my high school graduation, the day my world fell off its axis and collapsed all around me.

There's a soft knock on my bedroom door, and I'm immediately pulled out of my gloomy thoughts.

"Come in," I grab a wet wipe off the bedside table and begin wiping under my eyes hoping to clear away some of the blackness.

The bedroom door opens slowly, beautiful hazel eyes look up sadly at me as her bottom lip begins to quiver, her eyes becoming glossy with unshed tears, I have tried my best to keep her happy, I make sure she has everything she needs and wants.

This day though, is the one day every year that I can't keep her heart from breaking, and that alone shatters mine all over again and again and again.

I take her small hand in mine as I walk us over to my window-seat.

"We will go visit them soon, okay?" I open my arms, gently pulling her towards me.

This has become our routine; we sit silently by my window-seat, I hold her tightly while she cries for an hour or two. Gabby has become my sole focus, my reason for breathing, my reason to go on living. She's that little speck of light in the darkness that keeps me going every day.

"O-Okay, c-can we stop at the flower shop again?" Gabby sniffles and wipes her nose with the back of her bright yellow, Winnie the pooh pajama sleeve.

"Of course, we can."

***

As we walk past headstone after headstone, hand in hand we make it to the end where two huge grey headstones stand, I kiss the tips of my fingers, I place it on each name, I clear away the old, dead flowers from our visit a month ago.

I place the white carnations down, the meaning behind them is remembrance, fitting right?

I look at the headstones, my eyes begin to prickle with unshed tears as I sit down on the soft green grass, in front of the one, shared headstone.

In loving memory of:

Julia and David Swan.

1978 - 2015 / 1977-2015

Loving parents, children, and siblings.

Your love will light our way.

I run my finger along each word before getting up and changing sides with Gabs, I look at the next shared headstone,

In loving memory of:

Melissa and Melanie Swan.

2010 - 2015 / 2010 - 2015

Loving Daughters, and Sisters.

Heaven has received two beautifully spirited angels.

I wipe the tears furiously off my cheeks. "I'll give you a minute, Gabs." I whisper as I take a few steps back. A moment later I hear Gabby trying to whisper, but what catches my attention is the mention of my name.

"I know Lo misses you all, she is trying so hard mommy."

"Remember how you would always beg Logan to exercise more, d-do you remember D-Dad?"

"She walks a lot now, refuses to climb in a car, you would be so proud of her."

"I hear her sometimes, when she thinks I'm asleep, Lo cries herself to sleep, she is so sad all the time, she smiles, but I don't believe her smiles." Gabby sniffles.

I stop listening as the guilt overcomes me like a tidal wave, I try my best to show her that I'm happy, I guess I failed.

***

The walk home is always longer, it's a ten-minute walk from the house, the house that my parents bought for me and... Landon.

"Gabs, you're sleeping over at Marley tonight, I already phoned Mrs. Francis." The Francis' have been like a second family to Gabby since she began school, they've been helpful when I didn't even know I needed it myself.

"I want to stay with you," she whines.

"I'm meeting some... friends tonight." I look at her apologetically, her face falls, and a frown makes itself home on her pretty face. We walk the rest of the way in an uncomfortable silence.

As we get back to the two-bedroom house with a neatly mowed lawn, flowers of variant pinks, purples, yellows, whites, and blues line the light brown brick pathway, the door is made of mahogany, in the center of the door is a rectangular pane of glass, there're five steps leading up to a little porch before the door itself.

The house is painted white and black. As I approach the door, I notice a yellow envelope, my face falls for a split-second, but I recover quickly before Gabby can see it.

"What's this?" Gabby picks it up, she begins examining it, "it's for you, Logan." I swallow hard as I take it from her, immediately recognizing the same envelope I have been receiving for years.