scriptures. // jahking

Psalms 73:26

"My flesh and my heart may fail, but god is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."

Jasmine

"you gotta leave this room at some point jas...it's not good for you or the baby."

I huffed and rolled over on my side to meet vanessa's gaze, "I'm perfectly fine here."

she rolled her eyes and took a seat next to me on the bed, "you know I'm right. you're pregnant and it's not good for you to be locking yourself in this stuffy ass room all day."

she stood up and walked over to the window, cracking it open.

I pulled the duvet up over my face silently praying she'd just leave me be.

"I'm not leaving till' you promise to get out of this damn bed."

I peeked up over the duvet and saw that she had a hand on her hip and a look on her face so reminiscent of the one our mom used to give us as kids it was chilling.

I took a deep breath and peeled the duvet away from my body completely and sat up in the bed, swinging my legs over the side of the bed.

"thank you, now come on and get dressed, we're going out." vanessa smiled.

I scrunched my nose up and cocked an eyebrow at her, "you ain't say nothing about leaving this house, I ain't going nowhere..." I mumbled.

she shot me a glare and walked over and pinched my arm, "I'm telling you now, so get up and get dressed. I'm going to get junior ready too and when I come back, i'm coming with a bucket of water..."

my eyes narrowed, "you wouldn't."

she chuckled and headed for the door, "oh but I would and I will, so get up, i'll be back."

she left the room, closing the door behind her.

I sighed again and pushed myself to get up and out the bed. my legs felt sort of like jelly due to not being used as often.

I walked over to my vanity, examining my appearance.

I swear I got the opposite of pregnancy glow.

my hair had grown long, all the way down my back. deep, dark circles had taken up residence under my sunken in eyes.

I looked like an entirely different person, my once vibrant buttery skin had turned dull and pale.

I'm around five months now, and swole as ever.

I raked a hand through my curly locks before turning away from the mirror to my closet.

it felt strange being back in the room I had grown up in, being back at my mom's house just felt strange period.

once my dad passed I couldn't bear coming back here, there's just too many reminders of him.

everything's exactly like how it was the day he died.

my mom never even moved the coffee mug he was drinking out of that morning, she just washed it out and left it there at the table.

the only nice thing I guess about being here is that my sister and I are reunited again.

she had her baby three months ago, and named him andré junior, it's weird how much he already looks like him.

it made me wonder about what my baby would look like, who would they take after more.

me or him..?

it's hard to think about jahking, or even say his name.

it's so wild how quickly shit can change in a matter of months.

jahking kept his word and still stays in touch, we talk and we facetime but obviously it's not the same as being there with each other physically.

I feel like every day I lose more and more of him, like he gets harder and harder to reach.

when we do talk it's mostly about the baby or my health, he sends money regularly and does his best to stay out of trouble.

but how can that actually be reality working for somebody like Q?

I honestly don't know what to make of my relationship with jahking anymore.

some days it feels like I never left and we sound so in love and desperate to get back to each other, and other days...

other days it feels like we almost have to force ourselves to talk to each other for the sake of the baby.

I pulled myself back to reality and started to rifle through my closet for something to wear other than sweats.

I quickly showered and got dressed, for the first time in a while I took the time to comb and detangle my hair and try to make myself presentable.

once I was completely done I headed downstairs, surprised to see my mom dressed and ready to go too.

"oh wow...you look...so-

"not like a bum." vanessa chuckled, cutting our mom off.

I rolled my eyes and folded my arms over my chest, "you better be lucky you got my nephew in your hands cause' I would've stole on-

she silenced me and pushed her way to the door, "come on! we're going to be late!" she demanded.

my mom and I both laughed at her and followed her out the door.

( A/N : this chapter is mostly filler and me just trying to catch y'all up on the timeline. I hope I didn't confuse y'all too much, let me know. have a beautiful day or night wherever you are in the world 💕 )