Pretty Boy [bxb] | ✔️

Chapter thirty-eight: Driving home to Alex

He sits up straight and looks at me in animation, "No way, who? Since when?"

"I don't want to reveal who just yet but I've been seeing him for nearly two months, now. I know it's not that long, but I seriously like him," I reply, feeling a light blush spread across my cheeks as I state that I sincerely like him because I do. So much.

"Bro, I am so happy for you. I respect it not wanting to reveal who it is, as well. I can't imagine how hard it must be for you. Know that when you do come out to everyone at school, I'll be there to stick up for you if you get any shit for it. Same with Kenz."

He gives me a playful punch on the arm, to which I return it, "I appreciate it."

It sounds weird but Jake not treating me differently because of my sexuality means much more to me then I thought it would. He treats me the same as his straight guy friends. Fist bumps, play fights, 'bro' hugs. He simply sees me as any other guy to him, rather than 'a gay'. That doesn't define me, and he understands that.

"Kenzie and I were planning on going to pride in June. Like, I'd go as an ally. Kenz said that's a supporter. I don't know. Do you want to come?"

My heart does a little flip of happiness, "Yeah. Yeah, that would be great. Thank you."

This. This reaction is what I so desperately want from Cami. From anyone, really, but more so Cami. Acceptance. Support. The longer I'm putting off coming out to her, the more I can see what her reaction will be like when I do, the fleeting thoughts about her reaction accompanied by the sinking feeling in my chest.

I can already see the look on her face, the utter disappointment taking ahold of her features and the words "but are you sure?" coming out of her mouth. Not in a loving way where she would only want me to be sure before I make big decisions as being gay is dangerous sometimes. No, I mean the 'because I don't want you to be gay as I don't accept it' kind of "but are you sure?".

I know I shouldn't be putting it off like this. I should get it over with, and if Cami doesn't accept it, then she doesn't. I will have to take that and move on from our friendship, no matter how painful. If she's willing to accept it like my dad was, fine, I'll continue being friends. Though if she isn't ready to take it, then there is no way I can continue being friends with her. I'd never put myself in that situation. The hurt it could cause would not be healthy for me at all, and I deserve better than that.

The anxiety surrounding this is taking hold of me, and I need to let it go. But I can't. The words feel impossible to say when Cami's around and I'm petrified of falling into a panic attack every time I try. There have been a few occasions where I've sat her down with the intent of telling her, but I go off on a tangent and talk about something else instead because I get too scared.

Before I can panic myself further, Lucy steps out of the changing rooms wearing a gorgeous navy blue figure-hugging dress. There's a slit up the side, showing off her leg, and I can see Jake staring directly at it, swallowing. Lucy doesn't notice as she's too busy squealing at her reflection in the mirror.

"This is the one! This one is the dress!" She exclaims breathlessly, as though her dress is a man and she's talking about how 'he's the one'. Like I do with Alex. Alex.

I snap myself out of my momentary trance about Alex and begin to clap excitedly, all the while telling Lucy to "give us a twirl." She does so, and I start to squeal alongside her. I can be as gay as I want to be around these people and they don't care. They love it. It matters very much to me.