Chasing Mr. Right [Complete]

Forty-first Chase

Forty-first Chase 

"Charm, may gig yung dance troupe namin mamaya. Opening dun sa isang event sa BA. Punta ka!" Friday ngayon at hinahatid ako ni Jasper pauwi gamit yung kotse niya. Bukas, uuwi na ko sa Bulacan. Bukas, haharapin ko na yung Papa ko.

"Ano 'yan, party ulit na hinost ng isang org sa BA?"

"Um, medyo. Isang frat sa BA actually, hindi org."

"Pass na lang ako, Jasper." Ngumiti ako ng bahagya sa kanya.

"Charm, 'wag ka namang magmukmok na lang oh---"

"Jasper, I don't like parties. I never liked parties! Maybe you think that I'm sulking because of what's happening with my family but that's not the case. Siguro nga, parties are your thing. You're used to being the life of the party. Pero ako, noon pa man, hindi  na ko mahilig sa mga ganyan so don't tell me to stop sulking because I'm not, okay? God, stop connecting everything that I do with my family. Hindi ako ganun kababaw."

I saw Jasper bit his lip. He looked hurt. Of course he is, I snapped at him again. I immediately felt guilty dahil siya na naman yung napagbuntunan ko ng frustrations ko. I should just have made an excuse instead of saying all those things.

These days puro ganito na yung interactions ko with Jasper. It's either I'm avoiding spending time with him or nag-aaway kami. Why? Because of many reasons. One example is him always telling me that everything will be all right. But can't he see that it's not alright anymore? Na hindi na maaayos yung pamilya ko? That he's just giving me empty promises kahit pa alam naman namin pareho that everything isn't going to be alright. My family's broken and that's not okay. He'll also try to cheer me up by bringing me with him when he goes out with his highschool friends, sina Gino, Grace and all their other friends. But they have this years of history and inside jokes that I can't relate to, so I always end up sulking in a corner, talking to no one, and feeling more depressed. Minsan din dinadala niya ko sa bahay nila just like we used to do, but seeing how happy his family is makes me feel more lonely.

I know he means well and I honestly appreciate all his effort, but sometimes the things that Jasper does to try to make me feel better end up making me feel worse. Katulad nung surprise birthday party na hinanda niya para sa'kin. Alam ko namang gusto lang niyang maging special yung birthday ko, pero hindi ko kayang magcelebrate ng ganun kung nasisira yung pamilya ko. And I know he feels bad that almost everything he does is making me feel bad, but I can't console and comfort him. Pano ko magagawa yun kung sarili ko nga hindi ko kayang pasayahin? And during these times, nakikita ko na kahit papano nga, immature pa si Jasper. He just graduated from high school and he's still all about having fun, not babysitting his depressed girlfriend.

"I'm sorry." I said quietly after a moment of silence. Hininto ni Jasper yung kotse niya sa harap ng apartment namin.

"No, I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking---I just thought---"

"Let's just forget about the past ten minutes, okay? It never happened."

Tumingin sa'kin si Jasper at ngumiti but his smile didn't reach his eyes. "Uuwi ka sa Bulacan bukas?"

"Yup."

"Gusto mo bang samahan kita?"

And what? Para makita niya yung gulong nandoon? So he'll witness my family drama first hand? But of course, hindi ko sinabi 'yun. "Hindi na. Thank you though. For offering."

Hinawakan ni Jasper yung kamay ko. "Charm, nandito lang ako kung kailangan mo ko. Para sa kahit ano. Tawagan mo lang ako, kahit anong oras pa 'yun."

"I know. And I will, Jasper." Binawi ko yung kamay ko at bumaba na sa kotse niya. "Have fun at the party. Ingat."

Jasper sighed and he looked at me sadly. "Bye, Charm."