The Beauty & The Tragedy

Its Been Awhile But I Still Feel The Same

I hadn't heard from her in exactly eighteen days. Eighteen days since I had last heard her voice. To me, it felt like a lifetime. I had no idea how she was doing. I was slowly losing my mind. It didn't help that she had I were not only miles apart literally, but emotionally as well. She had finally had enough. I didn't really blame her. I had inadvertently led her on because I was too blind to realize the truth. Nick was never the one, she was.

I was cleaning up after dinner when I heard the phone ring. My first inclination was to ignore it, but for whatever reason I answered it anyway. It was an unfamiliar number and it was late. I guess curiosity got the best of me. I pressed the answer button and steeled myself for whatever unfortunate news I'd receive.

"Hello?" I said as I picked up the phone.

"Hi." She rasped.

The second I heard her voice, I nearly fell to my knees.

"Demi?" I choked. "Oh my god." I said as the tears immediately started to stream down my face. "Are you ok? Are they treating you well?"

I stopped what I was doing and sat on the floor in the middle of my kitchen. I was shaking. I was a complete wreck. One word from her and I had fallen apart completely.

"I'm fine." She said gently. "Selena...I..."

"Shhhh." I interrupted. "Just exist with me for a minute." I said as I closed my eyes.

We both sat on the phone in silence. I could hear her ragged breaths when she started to cry. I had never felt the level of relief that came with hearing her voice on phone.

"I've spent the last nineteen days..." She struggled through her tears.

"Eighteen." I corrected. "It's been eighteen days."

"I've spent the last eighteen days trying to figure out what I was going to say you." She said as her voice strained with emotion. "There aren't words that could ever explain to you how sorry I am."

"It's ok." I whispered.

"No it's not." She hitched. "There's no excuse."

"I forgive you." I whispered.

"You shouldn't."

"But I do."

"Why?"

"Because I know you. I know what's in your heart."

"I've really fucked up Sel." She cried. "I don't know who I am anymore. I just hurt. I can't numb the pain so I just feel everything...and it fucking hurts."

"I know it does." I soothed.

"I can't do this alone..." She said as she sucked in a deep breath.

"You're not alone. I'm here and I'm not going anywhere." I said trying to put her at ease.

"I was terrified that I'd lost you. That after everything I'd done you'd given up on me." She explained.

"I would never give up on you." I whispered "You have me. I'm yours."

"There are so many things I need to say to you." Her voice cracked.

"We've got time."

"I'm gonna fix this. I'm gonna fix me. I'll make this up to you, I don't care if it takes my whole damn life. It's all yours Selena."

"Don't worry about that right now." I said as I chewed my bottom lip. "Worry about you. I'm fine."

"I don't have much time...I just needed to hear your voice."