The Beauty & The Tragedy

Everything Changes Except For The Way I Feel About You

As usual life wore on and before I knew it, they were halfway through the tour. Ally was phenomenal and the fans took to her quickly. She essentially became one of the biggest guitarists in rock music overnight. Everyone loved how humble and sweet she was. She was charming and grateful and always mindful of why she was there in the first place.

The past couple of moths saw a shift in Johnny and I's relationship. We were now much more serious and committed to each other. Truth be told it was nice to have someone to come home to. We kept our life low key and out of the tabloids for the most part. He didn't comment on our relationship during interviews and ignored paps when they were around. It didn't stop them from following us however. I was so used to it I barely noticed.

It still annoyed me when they followed me when I wasn't with him. I never understood how me running errands was interesting to people, but whatever. Today was no exception. I could only imagine what kind of headlines this outing was going to make.

I hadn't been feeling well lately and I felt a bit overwhelmed as I left the doctors office. This was an entirely unexpected turn of events and I was still trying to process everything I was just told. I wasn't prepared for any of this. There was only one person I wanted to be with right now and since she was gone, I had to make do.

I sat and examined her name etched into the dark marble surface. A monument protruding from the earth signifying that she used to be here, that she existed. I came here quite often. I wasn't sure why, because I didn't really feel her here. I guess it was comforting to be close to what was left of her. It was unnerving and sad at the same time.

"Hey baby." I spoke softly. "I miss you." My voice trembled.

I paused a moment as one might when talking to someone, allowing them a chance to respond. I was met with silence. I had never craved someone's voice as much as I wanted hers. I didn't realize how comforting her raspy tone was until it was gone. I found myself listening to old interviews sometimes just to hear it.

"I'm pregnant." I whispered as my fingertips traced the outline of her name. "I came here as soon as I found out. You're the first person I wanted to tell." I said the tears slipped down my cheeks. "This was supposed to be us...we were going to...."

I couldn't finish because I completely lost it. I collapsed on her grave and wept. We had so many plans and now they were just gone. Every milestone was just a reminder that she wasn't here for it. I wasn't sure how I felt about doing this without her.

"I need you here." I croaked. "You promised me...this was supposed to be us."

Silence.

I could feel the weight of her wedding rings as they rested against my skin. I never took them off. I laid my face down against the grass and continued to cry as I clutched them against my chest. The more everything changed, the farther away she felt. Life kept moving for me and she would be forever frozen in time. She was becoming a part of my past and I just wasn't ready to let her go.

As I laid there with my cheek against the grass, I'd never felt more torn apart. I was letting go of her in stages and this part wasn't something that I had to think about until now. I wasn't ready for any of it to be honest. I was still in love with her. Sometimes  if I listened close enough, I could hear her voice whispering my name.

Marie.

No matter what happened, and no matter who I ended up with, they would never love me the way Demi did. Truth be told, I wouldn't want them to. Our love was once in a lifetime and no matter how fleeting it might have been, I wouldn't trade it for anything. As I sat here, crying in the grass, I knew I was lucky. I survived tragedy and still found love again. It might not be the same, but it was still love and it was still beautiful and I still had a full life ahead of me.