BARE SOULS: A STEAMY TEACHER/STUDENT ROMANCE

CHAPTER 63 | ZANE

I wished I could have lied to her and tell her what she wanted to hear... But I simply couldn't resolve myself to play with her emotions. I wished I could have reassured her and tell her that everything was going to be alright... but I would have just lied to myself if I said so. Because my burst of anger from before only proved that nothing was alright...

How did it go from a perfect day to a painful one after just one bad encounter? I knew I shouldn't have went to her knowing that I was unlucky enough to meet someone I did not want to meet. I knew it was a bad idea from the start... But why him? Why it had to be that fucker? As soon as I saw his face, memories I wanted to forget started to surface and it took me a lot to try and not show any emotions to her.

But one doubt from her was enough to make me go insane... because it was similar... because she could doubt about me all she wanted, but not because of the words of that man. 

I saw the fear in her eyes. I saw how I shocked her. She was facing another glimpse of the Zane she didn't know. The Zane I thought I left in New York. But it was enough to remind me that I was not over anything and simply added another problem to my already too complex equation. 

In an ideal world, I would have done my utter best to make things work between her and I. Because I already had accepted the fact that I was falling harder and deeper for her. But while it was more of an issue with me and dealing with my emotions, the fact that she got accepted to Columbia already set the deal and indeed, she was right. We did have an expiration date. So it no longer mattered if I never told her all the things I initially planned on telling her when I decided to throw myself in that relationship with her. There was no reason to tell her. The past no longer mattered.

I understood why she did not want to stay that night and I was grateful for her to decide to go because I wouldn't have been able to stand her tears. I wouldn't have been able to answer any more of her questions. I knew that after that, we would both pretend as if that conversation never happened and try to make the most of the little time we had left, just because it was the wisest thing to do. 

I closed my eyes and tried to remember how I felt the day before, when it was just us two enjoying the normal things in life as if we did not have a care in the world and I wished I could still be as candid and naive her eighteen year old self could afford to be.

I spent the following day preparing the mock exam for her class which helped me from checking my phone every five minutes for a sign from her. I dumbed myself out with some shows that I binged on Netflix to avoid overthinking that last conversation we had. The more I remember the expression on her face, the more I regretted my choice of words and simply wished I just lied to her. 

No sign from her for the whole weekend and I couldn't resolve myself to call her either. I simply didn't know what to say nor do to make a difference in the outcome of our upcoming end. And she probably didn't know that it was also as painful for me to think about it than it was for her. I selfishly needed her to keep going without suffering just so I could forget that I too was gonna hurt too. 

She was already sitting down at her usual spot near the window when I got in class and I felt a sharp pain in my guts when her eyes met mines. She slightly nodded as to show me she was OK and that should have been enough to make me feel relieved. But I had that lump in my throat as she looked away while I was unable to look at something else than her.

       "Errrr... Are you OK mister J.?" Levyn asked while looking at Harper and I in turn which made me realize that I probably stared at her a little too much for it to be noticed by Levyn and a few other who also looked at us with questioning eyes. 

      "All's good..." I said before putting my stuff on my desk and starting the lesson. During the whole hour, I tried to avoid looking her way but it was beyond my control. I surprised myself peaking at her every ten seconds and it pissed the shit out of me since I knew Levyn had caught that and I realized how suspicious it was getting.