Me, Myself and I

38 - In which caterpillars become butterflies and butterflies become a monster

"Why would you want to know that?"

"Because it concerns me and because I'm in need of being flattered. Losing a game can do that stuff to you."

I rolled my eyes at him and chuckled. "It was just a game of laser tag and it wasn't even well organized. No need to feel down because of that."

"Still. I want to be flattered. You may start now." He said trying to sound almost royally.

"You're acting like a child now."

"Says the person who's clearly running away from the situation."

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. This was going to take all of my strength and I was not ready. Time to say what comes to mind.

"Well, one good thing about you is that you are, overall, a very good friend. You're loyal, you're supportive and, from what I've gathered from you, you're always there when your friends need you and never ask for something in return. You're also pretty funny when you want to. And you always try to see the best in people and don't let your first impressions of someone make up your mind about them. And that's what comes to mind... "

Fortunately, I was able to withstand saying my feelings to him. Unfortunately, I spent that whole time looking at the ground and merely following his feet, which led me to almost bump into him when he suddenly stopped. But was it going to get worse? Pfft... of course it was! Because my brain suddenly decided that looking up at his face was the best solution to the problem. And guess what? He was smiling! Genuinely smiling! Oh boy, the caterpillars are back at it again...

"Thank you. That's really sweet of you to say, Caroline." And right after that... he just turned away and kept on walking! Like it meant something before but it didn't mean anything afterwards. Why, caterpillars? Why?

However, was I done for my brain? Apparently not! Because the stupid caterpillars made my brain decide that it would be a good idea to take a few extra steps and catch up right next to him and keep on talking. Just really smart of me to do so, don't you think?

"And what do you think of me, Johnson?"

Why? Why? Why did I even do that? It sounded like I was one of those stupid girls who just wanted attention and no conversation was ever enough. I sounded... cringy.

But I guess Adam didn't really think so. He just smiled at me and started talking.

"Well... I think you have a pretty rough exterior. It was certainly not easy to understand you at first. You keep it to yourself, overanalyzing all possible and sometimes impossible twists and turns and you get mad very easily. But with time I think I'm starting to understand you better. Little by little." Oh boy, caterpillars, caterpillars everywhere! "You're pretty sarcastic and your sense of humor is kind of... wicked, which makes you really funny to hang out with. You don't have a lot of friends, but I say by experience that the ones you have... you... you stand up for them. And I really appreciate that. You're smarter than you look and way smarter than you think you are. You're kind of crazy sometimes but that's one of the funniest parts of... well... of you."

Suddenly, his smile, his simple way with words, and that joyful look of his led me to think of myself not as a weird nerdy girl, but as a person who was appreciated for who she was. And the caterpillars became less and less an inconvenience, and more like something that made me feel good. Like just his words made the caterpillars turn into... butterflies. Yes, they still tingled flying around in my stomach, but now it felt, even though the inconvenient anxiety I was feeling was still there, it didn't bother me as much as it did just seconds before.

"Thank you, Adam. It... it felt really good hearing that."

"Naturally. It was me saying it." Of course, Adam had to end it with a sort of egotistical response...