Last Kiss Goodbye • Teenage Juice Ortiz

84 - (Un)Grateful

THE PAST

Juan leaned back in the pillows they had put against the wall while they were watching an episode of South Park on Emilio's bed. 

His thoughts weren't in it. His mom would come home within an hour and he planned to tell her that he wanted to live with Mateo, who would receive the key of his new apartment within a few days. Mateo didn't deem it necessary that he told his mom at all, telling him she would find out when he didn't come home anymore. June however insisted on telling her. 

Things were still not how they used to be between them, even though the whole thing with Erik was a couple of weeks ago. Their intimacy didn't go much further than kissing and although he found it hard, he didn't want to insist. She needed time to forgive him and no matter how much time June would need, he would give it to her. That was also the reason he was listening to her advice instead of Mateo's; he was still afraid to lose June and he wanted to avoid another fight. 

Actually she had wanted to come with him, but he hadn't wanted her to. This was something he needed to do himself. Without his brother and without June. He knew his mother well enough to know that she would use June's presence to make a point. She would probably accuse him again of doing abominating things with his brother and even though he knew June wouldn't believe her, these were words he never wanted to hear again – and he certainly didn't want June to hear them. He believed the conversation would have the best outcome if he talked to her alone. Furthermore he believed he could do this. He wanted to be able to do this – without the help of anyone else. 

That however didn't take away his nervousness. His eyes slid aside, to Emilio's face. The boy was staring at the tv, although he didn't seem to see much more than Juan did. Usually he sensed that Juan was dreading something, but today he seemed to be a bit off too. 

He nudged his friend's shoulder to drag him out of his thoughts, giving him a questioning look. "Where's your head at?"

Emilio glanced briefly at him, seemed to hesitate and ultimately turned his face away. Juan sat up straight. It didn't happen a lot that Emilio was bothered by something. 

His friend heaved a deep sigh when Juan kept looking expectantly at him. "I kissed Jordy. A few days ago."

Juan raised his eyebrows, not knowing why that would still occupy his mind. It was something that had been coming for weeks. 

"Okay..." he said at last. "And she said you sucked at it?"

Emilio's eyes flashed to his. "She told you that?"

He chuckled. "No man. I knew nothing about this. I guess June wanted you to be the one to tell me." He studied Emilio's face. "When did it happen?"

"You know what they tell about her, right? About her dad?" 

Juan's mood darkened. It had been impossible to miss. He had never seen June as pissed as she was that day – not even when she learnt the truth about Erik. Beth spilling Jordy's secret had been unforgivable in her eyes. Emilio had stood up against Beth in the middle of the lunchroom, snapping at her that she shouldn't walk in her dead sister's footsteps by spreading lies because someone refused to be friends with a cunt like her. 

Juan couldn't say he had been surprised by Emilio's outburst – he knew very well how fierce the boy could be when someone hurt his friends, and even though the relationship between Jordy and him was a little confusing now and then, he knew Emilio cared about her. That Emilio had been able to show it too, had been a positive development, he thought. 

"Well.. The day before the whole school knew about her secret... Johnny and Bob were botherin' her. They'd trapped her against the lockers, telling all kinds of shit about her dad. It was fuckin' insane. I pulled them away from her, but their words had broken her..." Emilio bent his head, staring at the bedding. "I took her to my car, asked her if she wanted me to bring her home. She asked me if she could stay with me a little longer and I couldn't find the heart to tell her no... so I took her to my place. There she told me what had happened to her when she was a child." Emilio's jaw tensed. "I'm not sure what happened. She was afraid that boys were disgusted by her because she was abused and I... I told her it was not true, that she just had an awful taste for men... And then I kissed her."