Last Kiss Goodbye • Teenage Juice Ortiz

16 - A Heavy Heart

Edited

THE PRESENT

June had wrapped her hands around the mug. Her fingers were shaking. The tea had cooled off by now, but she still got lost staring into her turbid drink. She took a sip hoping that it would ease her soar throat.

She looked aside. Juan had bent his head and was staring at his knees. There were spatters on his jeans, the remnants of his tears. June wiped her eyes. The silence was suffocating her, but she didn't know what to say.

There had never been someone else. He had left her to protect her. It had been an act of love – a desperate, unforgivable act, but he had done it because he had loved her. Because he had loved her too much to risk her.

She knew she never would have been able to do it herself; not even if it had put him in danger, and because of that it made his decision to leave even braver.

But fifteen years had passed. Fifteen years. Why had it take so long for him to come back? Why had he come back at all? They weren't anywhere close to being done talking, but for today she had said enough. She was too emotional, and he wasn't any better.

"You can't stay here," she said softly. "Maybe later, once we have dealt with things."

He looked up. Again there was this lost, empty gaze. It broke her heart.

"I never intended to stay. I just wanted to see you one last time before..."

She placed her finger against his lips. "Don't," she whispered. "I'm not ready for this to be goodbye."

He kept silent. Her thumb was brushing across his lip and she thought back to the first time she had done that. Back then there had been a dazzling smile that would cross his lips. Now she got the impression he had lost that smile years ago.

Shakily, she breathed in. Before the tears could overpower her once more, she stood up. "I'll call Jordy. She has a spare room."

"You don't have to, June," he answered quietly. "I don't wanna bother anyone else."

Her heart squeezed as he said her name. She had never thought she would hear that again. It made her knees feel weak and she dropped sideways on his lap. She felt how he inhaled sharply, and saw his eyes go wide.

"Hold me," she whispered.

Hesitating, Juan did as he was told; first wrapping one arm around her, then the other. With her cheek she leaned against his shoulder, inhaling deeply, taking in his scent.

"Let me help you, Juan. Please. You need me. And I... I need you." She looked up to him. "Promise me that you won't disappear one day, not again. Not without telling me."

He rubbed his face, unrest was gleaming in his eyes. "I can't stay, June. There are – there are people who want me dead. I can't... your son..."

Caressing his cheek, June looked into his panicking eyes. She gave him a soft kiss, making him cut off his sentence immediately.

"I don't wanna hear it, Juan," she whispered. "Not now."

Before she could be tempted to let it lead to a real kiss, she pulled back her face. Her fingertips wandered across his stubbled cheek – it was impossible not to touch him.

He was the man that had hurt her, to the depths of her soul. But she had also loved him more than she had ever loved anyone.

"For fifteen years you have stayed out of your enemy's hands. I don't know how long you been on the run again, but I know you never would have come here if you thought they would find you so soon. Let go of the fear, baby. Just for a while. Let me help you." She held his gaze. "Please."