Meadow

Chapter 32

I didn’t bother knocking; I just walked inside the Frank’s home.

“Kota!”

“Ssshhhhh!” Shawn’s finger covered his mouth.

“We just laid her down; she couldn’t wait on you to get here.”

“It’s okay though, she will be up in an hour, ready to go.” Shawn plopped down on the sofa and looked ten years older than he actually was.

“I hate I missed her.” I forced a smile on my face as visions of the look on Dyson’s face, when I stopped him, flashed through my mind. I couldn’t help but wonder if he had even noticed I was gone.

“Meadow…” Kota’s hand rubbed across my shoulders and I jumped.

“Sorry, what did you say?”

“I asked you if you wanted to see her baby book- I got some more done today. But, tell me what is going on. What are you thinking about?”

I smiled at her the best I could. Kota had changed so much over the last few months. With everything that was going on with her, I really didn’t want to bother her with my childishness.

“I’m good. Sorry, I was just wishing I had made it before she fell asleep.”  I lied.

I could feel Shawn’s eyes on me the whole time. They both knew I was lying; neither called me out.

I spent the next half hour looking over the most elaborate baby book I had ever seen.

~~

I turned the radio louder. I sang as loud as I could. Adele seemed to be singing straight to me. Tears welled up in my eyes as the thoughts ran through me again and again. I didn’t know why I was so upset. Dy had not said or done anything that should make me feel like he was going to leave me for not having sex with him. He didn’t even push the subject.

Part of me wondered if it was because I was so scared to get pregnant. Another part of me really wanted to wait until I was married, just because my preacher had always said it was the best thing to do- there has to be a reason, right? I knew I was scared of the act itself. I knew it would be painful, and I had no idea what to do or how to do it.

I also knew Dyson was not a virgin, only once or twice but more experienced than me none the less.  I pulled into the empty parking lot of the school and parked. It was dark, and I knew Dyson would have left my house by then. He didn’t call, or even text me at all.

If everything else was my imagination, the growing feeling of us growing apart was not  imaginary. The problem was I didn’t know what to do about it.

~~

The alarm went off and I groaned so loud my eardrums vibrated. The second and last day of school for the week. Why school started on a Thursday was beyond me, but Dad said he had to do what the school board told him to. Stupid if you ask me.

I pulled myself out of my bed and tried to blink the lingering images of my nightmares away. Another night of Dyson having sex with every girl in our school; another sleepless night.

Throwing on whatever I could reach in the closet, I went to the bathroom and finished getting ready.

I could smell breakfast downstairs. Lugging my tired body down the steps I tried to pull on a good attitude- I didn’t need mom getting involved.

“Where is mom?”

I looked around the empty kitchen to the plate of eggs and sausage on the table.

“She left; she had a doctor’s appointment.” River shoveled more eggs down his throat.

I was kind of glad; I dropped the fake smile and plopped down in front of my plate.