Tales of the Broken

The First Love

From: Rekkana

We all have been in relationships, from real life to online, even though some people may think online relationships are pretty weird because how do you fall in love with the person you never even seen? You'll be surprised because some people just click even if they dont meet each other. My story to tell is something similar to this thing i just explained except it was my very first time being in a relationship with somebody.

I am going to call that guy Syaoran because that's what he roleplayed in back in friendster in the old days and i was Sakura from tsubasa chronicles. Syaoran was from another country, not going to say where but we were a super long distance relationship. He added me first on friendster then he started talking to me, i dont remember what we all talked about because this was all from ten years ago. All i know is, me and syaoran got along really well and we could talk about anything without getting bored of each other. I called him syaoran but he calls me princess, because... Princess Sakura from tsubasa chronicles... He was a very polite little man and he still was the last time i talked to him.

Me and syaoran talked for a while and he talked to me a lot about his ex, i did not know anything about relationships around this time because i was 15, his ex's nickname was Mel (not her real name) and after a few days Mel added me and we became friends, sisters. Syaoran and Mel were always hanging out because whenever i would talk to him she was always there, from what i was told they were going to school together and they were classmates? This was not really justified because video or voice chatting was not a thing back then. We all just talked thru Friendster which was not really bad.

One day, syaoran confessed to me and he said he wants to go out with me, of course me as a simple fifteen year old who was never in a relationship, i reciprocated his feelings and i said yes, we were a couple officially and everybody knew, even my friends. They were happy for me and syaoran was pretty much more happy than what he was when i first met him. Our main communication for chat was Chatango (we have our chatango account that we shared together till this day), and he asked me what do i look like, i sent him a picture and i was nervous because he will pretty much be grossed out and call me ugly because that's what boys at school always sees me as. To my surprise, he said "You're so cute" i did not know how to take the compliment its because it was my first. I was scared and i told him what do i say? He said "if someone compliments you, you should say Thank you" so i told him thank you for complimenting me, and as always he said "you're welcome,princess"

My relationship with syaoran was very innocent and pure. He would always send me songs about these fan made love videos but there is one in particular that i still listen to till today and holds a special spot in my heart. Aside from all the sweet and innocent shit, i cannot call it healthy because he was almost never present when i needed him. He would always drop me a message once every two weeks saying how much he loves me and how much he means to me and that he still feels the same about me. Sometimes he would ask me if i still remember him and i always say yes because it doesn't make sense if you just forget your significant other like that. The messaging becomes alot less frequent my frustrations turned into sadness. Back then, i would always wait for him till days on no end and my heart skips a beat when he messages me out of nowhere. The sadness comes from him not being there all the time when i need him the most and me being young and not understanding anything i didnt know how to feel, but of course my frustrations grew big and eventually i got tired of waiting.

I took one random day of my weekend to message him since we moved to facebook already after a year of our relationship. I told him that i am breaking up with him because he was not always there whenever i needed him, i had nobody to talk to and everything else, and i explained to him how we should just move on because this kind of relationship cannot go on if we do not step it up on the next level since we always talked about how we would want to spend the rest of our lives with each other. I was slowly realizing that we would need to take it up a notch if we want our relationship to last longer. And on top of that, there was already someone else interested in me and i ended up liking the guy.

I broke up with syaoran just by sending a message to him. He wasn't even aware of it... So when he got back he was so confused on why i left him until he saw the message. I could tell he was broken beyond belief but he eventually accepted it. After he willingly accepted it we stayed as siblings or best friend for a while since we both agreed on it. And after a couple days he disappeared again out of nowhere so i was alone again for the nth time. The guy that i went for when i left syaoran, he eventually cheated on me with another woman.

I never heard from him for at least 6 months or so, then after he came back i talked to him again, i told him i was so sorry for leaving him and i regret it, i asked him if he could forgive me and he said yes he forgives me and he wants to start over but this time he wont ever leave me again like that ever which was the mistake he kept on doing and the reason why i left him. We kept a stable communication for a few solid months until syaoran told me he wanted to talk to me about something.

I asked syaoran what was it and i felt the heaviest metal fall on me (not physically) when he said he's breaking up with me but with a very valid reason. He said he's terminally ill, he has cancer and he's dying. He wants to let me go so i can be happy and find somebody else. He did not want me dwelling on him for the rest of his life. His final words to me was he loves me and he always will  and that he enjoyed all our time together from the first time we met until now. He thanked me for everything and for giving him another chance and having faith in him... And that's the last time we ever spoke to each other. I was in so much distraught this event was etched on to my head forever. Being really young, i did not know what he mean so eventually after that i just moved on and lived a normal life.

I looked back to it now that i am older and i realized i lost him because he was terminally ill and i did not understand. I had so much regrets that i didn't say much that day. I told my friends about it and they said that i dont have to be sad about anything because i already have an angel watching over me; and that was him, syaoran. I still look at his old facebook account till this day and recently i got a hold of his ex Mel and i asked him alot of questions about him, i dont recall her answers anymore but i guess it doesnt matter, he did it for a reason. Me and Mel stayed good friends even after syaoran left me. It just took Mel years to find me again on facebook and start talking to me.

Thank you, syaoran for teaching me how to be a more open and soft person than what i used to be, and thank you for changing me for the better. Without you, i would be hating men right now until i get my first real relationship. I hope you are resting well in heaven and i know you are not in pain anymore and that's all i care about. I never forgot about you and i still listen to the song you gave me many years ago. It brings me up when im down and im happy you gave it to me.

I look forward to meeting you again up there syaoran! I dont have feelings for you anymore but your soul is always with me forever.