Tales of the Broken

Bullying Should Never Be a Thing

From: Anonymous

At an age as early as 5, i was being bullied by my own classmates. Just because of my skin color being dark, i was made fun of constantly and the look on my face was far different of how any filipino girl should look. My genes were recessive so i have alot of my ancestor's features. I never considered myself beautiful, i had such a low self esteem i even started calling myself ugly, and i accepted the fact that i was ugly and nobody will probably ever love me for the rest of my life. Did i have any friends that time? I did. But my childhood friends were all fake, i wasnt just being bullied at school but at home too whenever i would go out and see those friends....

When i turned 12, i was in 6th grade, i had a crush on this very good looking boy and my classmates would always talk about him. The crush developed into something else i was not expecting. For the first time i fell in love with somebody, i didnt even know if i should be allowed to feel these kind of feelings because of how im being treated. But i didn't care because i loved him. I loved him to the point where i wanted to be with him. I would always stare at him from the other side of the room in class of where i am sitting at and i can see he would too, that time i didn't know if he was staring at me or someone else. But being in love brought my self esteem back a bit. I was gonna confess my feelings to him until my classmates found out about my feelings. I guess i was being too obvious. I was made fun of, im being told that i will never be chosen by him cuz im so dark skinned and my face doesnt look very pleasant. They went on about this obviously. And then eventually my love interest found out, when he found out he was utterly disgusted. Whenever i would stare at him he would start glaring at me, the look was always unpleasant. I can tell he didnt want anything to do with me. It was alright though because it was normal for me to feel such rejection and hate towards my own classmates. In fact, that boy was part of the group of people who made fun of me anyway. One day a school festival in the campus came around, my friends set me up on a moment that i will forever remember for the rest of my life. We had this booth thing going on called a blind date, you get to tell them a pair and they will capture that person for you, they will try to find them around campus, blindfold them and put those two ppl on a date and take off the blindfold to reveal who their date is. Not really for someone like me, i feel like it's more for highschool students with boyfriends and girlfriends, and guess what? Me and that boy got thrown in there. I was captured by 2 men from that place and so did he, i was aware of things around me, my conscious was strong enough, and next thing i know i felt him go inside the room, but we were blindfolded of course, but we had a "romantic" date that time. We did what couples do. And when they revealed the person they are with, they took off his blindfold first, all i could hear him was screaming "EWWW WHY, OH MY GOD DISGUSTING" and then he ran out the door. I didnt have my blindfold taken off but that was enough to make my whole body and soul sink. I took off my blindfold and obviously i ran off, i pretended the whole day nothing happened but i was upset. That boy? He ran off and cried and started "sanitizing" himself. I regrouped with my friends and i told them about it. To my horrors they were the one who put me through that. I was obviously shocked and angry. I did not know how to contain it, but i just kept quiet and just never said anything... things took an awful turn the week we started to practice our graduation. In one school bus all of us in my class got put together in it, and they were saying stuff like "you have a crush on him? Well you have alot of nerves to have feelings for him considering how ugly you are. Will you ever like someone like her?" Then he replied with a "no i would never, shes just downright disgusting. She doesnt even look that good! Always staring at me, you are creepy!" I wanted to cry... i really did but... i held it in.

Another time that i couldnt forget was, i was also made fun of for having my period. but i felt uncomfortable during class and i stood up, i saw my chair stained and my skirt, i asked my teacher if i could use the restroom so i could take care of my business and she said sure. After i got back from the restroom my male classmate made this annoying ass trumpet sound and started making fun of me. Saying why is there blood on the chair and even called me nasty for not cleaning it... but what am i supposed to do? I didnt have anything to clean it that time that's why i went to the bathroom and grabbed a few pieces of tissue. That day was so horrendous. It was my last year of elementary school too and i was near graduating. I did not want it to become like that but it happened anyway. But i graduated and i made it out of 6th grade, but sadly i am in one of those schools that i get stuck with the same people as my classmates until we graduate high school which is in four years. I been with these idiots since i was 5, some if them left and moved to another school but it still had that domino effect. They would tell the new students about me and how i look ugly and unpleasant and i shouldnt feel any type of positive emotions,

When i reached high school i was still being bullied. It never stopped. It came to the point where everytime i would come in to class i would always be made fun of right off the bat. It was one of the horrors that i never wanna face. It doesnt help that i was always late because of my school bus' ridiculous times that they would pick me up. On my freshman year i had a crush on another boy but the same incident happened like the one from 6th grade... except we never went on a blind date. To my surprise he ended up dating one of my friends. I was fine with it because i didn't want him anymore anyway, i just kept being made fun of. Because to theur standards, i was an ugly person who never deserved anything good. Even my own friend that he dated tried to pull stuff on me. One day i came to class i saw my chair flipped backwards than everyone else, i knew then and there that it was her and him. I was done and i wanted everything to be over.

All my teachers or principals or school officials would do is just reprimand these ppl who were trying to bully me. I never felt any better towards it When i found out that's what my teachers were doing. I never had any form of counseling or help for myself too. And my grandma pays an arm and a leg to take me to this private school. A private catholic school to be exact. I told my grandma eventually and She just told me to ignore them and it will stop the longer you ignore it. But she never understood, none of her advice worked.

All of those years that i was constantly bullied, i had no love left to give for myself. I was always depressed about how i looked and how i just wanna be someone else. I wanted to have a pale white skin tone, i wanted to look like one of those models i see on tv, i wanted to be beautiful.

I eventually became heavily depressed and developed severe trust issues after graduating high school and the feelings of hatred plagued me for a very long time. Hatred towards myself and to other people. I felt like everyone is out here to make fun of me as if i already had enough on my plate.

The bullying obviously took a toll on me, my bullies never apologized to me, they walked away like it was nothing. I was messed up, i never got the closure i need, eventually i did though, but one thing i realized is, i was strong enough to feel that i never had a need to change myself for others and because deep down I guess i was telling myself that one day it will get better and that i will find people who will love and appreciate me for who i am.