Tales of the Broken

She Took The Word "Best Friend" for Granted (Part 3)

After Angeline got heartbroken with Satou she kind of became socially withdrawn to me and even to her friends. My jealousy with Kaye remained of course so i assumed that she was sharing some stuff with her that i dont know about. I was obviously hurt and i wanted her to tell me but she said she ain't keeping any secrets from me... And i believed her. The following events after this i do not remember much of it but most of it i still remember at least.

Angeline became even more distant as the years passed, she pretty much stopped going online, we all somewhat moved on from our role playing accounts and went to our real life profiles, i added all the friends i felt like i could trust and left the ones i just do not care about. I mostly started becoming busy with college because i was on my second or third year that time and my mom was pressuring me to finish and i met real life friends that time so they had more of my attention than she did. She knew this but i never stopped trying to keep in touch with her. During these times she sent me a copy of her letter that she made in class years ago and that it was for me to keep, i found it years later but i didnt touch it .

During this time its like we are still friends but we were starting to become strangers to each other, we don't talk everyday anymore like we used to, not even on skype, i always still try to include her in all my posts and tag her tell her how much she means to me and all that and she would still respond. It became from being a little less often to just us flat out not talking anymore because she disappeared herself too. Sometimes she would pop online here and there but she never messages me anymore. Not until one day after two or three years she decided to message me and asked if we were still friends and called me by my real name. I told her yes of course and that she will always hold a special spot to being my friend just like old times.

We tried to wing it on fb like the old days but it did not last long, it only became a one day thing and then she started disappearing again. During those times that she was gone, i felt nothing but sadness, empty, like i got a void that will never be filled, i basically was unhappy with everything and i lost interest on doing things i used to love doing a lot. Not only that i developed major trust issues to the point where it affected all my relationships, i had everything i wanted but there is still that big hole in my heart. I was hurting because she deserted me and i didnt even know nor i was even thinking about how her disappearance held a negative impact on me. Subconsciously i  was suffering.

I did not find out until i was in so much pain five years later, that's the time i came around and made it my goal to find her and talk to her. I had no luck. I told this to my ex boyfriend when we were still dating that time and he did not know what to say, but eventually he found her through her friend in real life  and was able to  message her and asked her about me and why did she abandon me. He sent me all the screenshots of their messages and it honestly hurts to read it. It was as if a knife was digging through my chest with no permanent method to get rid of it. If i try to get rid of it it's going to hurt me a lot.

She told my ex that the reason why she abandoned me and my friends or the other friends she met online was because she does not find any connection anymore, our interests are not the same anymore and that she was getting older. The fact that it was five years ago and it did not mean so much anymore.  She also changed personality wise and so did her interests. Not only that, she said that we are just a bunch of people that she will never ever even meet in person. A lot of us could potentially be stalkers and she does not trust lot. However, she said that she had no ill will towards me and she hopes i find peace and happiness when i move on. She also said she's sorry if it had to end like this but it's just the way it is now. She said if my ex had nothing more to say she will need to block him now and to not contact her through her friends ever again because it freaked her and her friends out.

After that i cried so much knowing i lost her because she changed, and i blamed myself for it. There were so many things i wish i just did just so she wouldn't change like that but it would have happened anyway because she was already headed towards a wrong direction. She didn't do it to me too, she did it to one of her good friends too, and he was feeling just as much pain as me but not like me who had it worse since she meant the world to me. I lost a person whom i considered as my real sister and the only person who became my real friend. I never had any real friends when i was young. And she was the first person to tell me as my best friend "i love you sissy!" Not in a same gender way that people who date do.

The ordeal she put me on took a toll on me, i had so much trust issues, i couldnt see any people being any different, i cant imagine somebody being my friend and will just flat out betray me later. Being in a relationship was no different but that side was more forgiving. It was only when it comes to making friends i am having a hard time with. Even after five years of her leaving me and being in pain, i still feel like its fresh like it just happened yesterday. No matter how many friends i make its just not the same. I want to find peace and one day be myself again and just forget about her. I wish it was that easy.... but i know deep down that she is not even thinking about me and she obviously moved on, so i have to force myself to feel better for the sake of many people around me. I know i would stop pretending myself and just be happy one day.

I even told myself if i am given a chance in another life i would love to see her again and reform our friendship as sisters even in heaven.  Maybe in another life Angeline. I will never forget all the stuff you did for me back then.

Thank you and i love your goodbye my sister.