Tales of the Broken

A Letter For My Dad That I Never Met

From: Anonymous

Dear Dad,

How are you? Do you remember me? It's your daughter. I am going to turn 27 years old next year and i still dont know who you are nor what you look like. You probably wont ever meet me or read this in life but i am writing it anyways because I have a lot to say about you and questions for you if i ever meet you. And my questions are simple, you will just have to continue reading to know.

Why did you leave mom before i was born? Was it because you were cheating on your own wife with a college student? I heard that you have two kids already which are my two half sisters that probably dont even know me. If you are asking how i know, its because my grandfather told me about you. I asked about you a lot to my grandparents because mom won't ever tell me about you. She treats it as a joke whenever i ask her about you. And according to my grandparents the only person who knows you best is my godmother that i dont know where in the world is now.

PS: all that my grandparents knew about you were: you were a tall, dark-skinned man that sounds obnoxious or rude that always looked for my mom.

I always had suspicions about you also when i was a kid. As early as 6 years old i was slowly realizing that your absence was because you left mom before i was even born, and ten years later of when i was six, i was right, your last name is very different and i never heard of it before. My birth certificate is my only proof of who you really are. Did you leave me because you were a coward? My guess may be right. It actually irritates me that you did that because it shows me you are not even worth my time or mom was not even worth your time. You just dont want to get caught!

You made me suffer... A lot. Your absence in my fucking life was so horrible that i never trusted guys until i dated them. I was forced to grow up because nobody will ever stand up for me but myself. Nobody helped me when anything happened to me. I was wasting tears left and right! Sometimes those days i asked "WHERE WERE YOU IN MY LIFE????" *insert many situations here*.

Sometimes, mom doesn't know if she even wanted me or not; I don't know if she even cared about me because i am your fucking offspring. Sometimes i could tell she can't even look at me, it's probably because i look more like you than her. To tell you the truth and if that's the case, i hate the fact that i look like you, i despise it because my face and physical appearance was the one that led me to be bullied for almost my whole life at school. I got called names, i got called almost everything. I was the epitome of laughter, rejection and depression. It was also because of you that i felt so broken everytime i would do a little bad at school and then i get compared to the kids who are smarter than me in class. If you were just simply there and you took care of me, i would never be compared to others because you would have been my number one supporter next to mom.

You wanna know more? Here's another dad. Mom left me to the care of grandma when i was two years old and worked overseas. Mom would only visit me once every two-three years and i would only talk to her through phone calls. She didn't even want to reschedule her flight on the day of my graduation from elementary. Because of you i feel like my grandma was forced to take care of me all because you made a stupid fucking decision. I am not happy to be your kid, i never was because you are the main reason why i went through so much. If you were in my life or even there for me i would have grown up the woman everybody wanted me to be.

I knew i will never get a chance to see you again because my grandma forcibly wanted me to immigrate here to the US and be with my mom because she thinks she will die soon and no one will be able to take care of me. That, and i had no future in a corrupt country like philippines. But i call massive bullshit! i didnt have a say on that matter and It's been done with already because it's been almost ten years since that ordeal.

Words can't really express how much i despise you and if given a chance i would say it straight in your face that i dont ever want to talk to you and we cannot start over as father and daughter. It's too late for that. I dont want you to be my friend either because i just dont want to. I cannot associate myself with a person like you.

It's nothing very personal dad, i am just upset at you that you made those stupid mistakes. Yes you are still my father, but i am way over the age already of even be expecting to have a father figure be floating around me and bossing me around like im a kid. You are a human being still and you still deserve respect, I'll give you that.

I will never forgive you for everything you did, but at least i was able to learn a lot of things in my life that i may have never learned if you were present in my entire life. Despite all of this, i dont resent who i am anymore because i know this is the real me. I wont be the same person as i am today if you did exist in my life, im kinda thankful for that but not in a messed up way. You also just missed out on your chance of seeing your daughter grow up very strong on mind and spirit. I can't say i love you dad, but all im wishing for you is wellness happiness still as a fellow human being, not your daughter that despises you.

Happy Dawning dad.

Sincerely,
Your Daughter That You Never Met