One Year On - Thirty Four (Emma)

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Emma

Something isn't right.

In fact, something is very wrong.

As I drift in and out of consciousness, I realize that I have been living a lie. I have been lying to myself. But I can't lie anymore. Not when the truth is right there in front of me for everyone to see...not that there's anyone to see me right now. No one but those who are in the same state.

Dead.

Undead.

Infected.

It doesn't matter what I call it, it all leads to the same thing. I can't remember how it happened, or even when, but I'm definitely a victim of the AM13 virus, which is why I have been able to smell it on me for a long time. It's been creeping up on me for as long as I can remember.

If only this was the sort of zombie virus typically seen in movies where people die and come back to life. At least then I would be able to create a timeline for this. But it doesn't kill the person it catches onto. This virus simply changes people into something else.

Something horrifying.

And now that's my life. That's what I am slowly becoming. Things that didn't make sense before now do. There have been times where I don't know where I am, where I feel like I have lost a huge chunk of time. I've tried to put that down to hunger and exhaustion, but now I know it's been me falling more and more into the abyss of nothingness waiting for me.

I almost wish I would just tumble into it forever now. That has to be better than this.

I also know that I've been eating things I shouldn't. And I don't just mean dead animals off the side of the road, although that sickens me enough. No, things I don't even want to remember. I've been eating flesh along with the other infected, who haven't paid me any attention for a good while now...in hindsight, that should have been my first sign.

So, what do I do now? I can't deny the truth to myself any longer which means I have to accept it. Accept that it didn't matter how good I was in life, how I always followed the rules and did what I was told, karma made no difference in the end. In this world, it doesn't matter who is good and bad. AM13 treats everyone exactly the same. Whoever you were once is irrelevant. It doesn't even matter who you become. If this virus is coming for you, then it will take you regardless.

While I learn to accept this dreadful truth, I will just have to wait. I don't want to be in one place because that makes me uncomfortable these days. I will have to keep moving, but all the time I will be waiting.

But waiting for what?

Waiting until this virus takes me completely, I suppose, or someone has the mercy to kill me. Whichever one comes first...

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