Dog Days

23 ~ get it off your chest

SOPHIE COULDN'T FIND THE APPROPRIATE CRAYON TO PAINT HER SKY.

When I gave her a blue one, she said it was normal. I didn't understand why it was a bad thing, but before I could tell her that normal was okay, she was already on the green one but she'd already painted the grass green so it wouldn't be right. Choosing the right color to paint was a stressful task for Sophie and that made me wonder how many hours we would spend once she was old enough to go shopping.

The thought of walking around the stores to buy clothes together put butterflies in my stomach. I couldn't wait to see those years, the years that she would be mature enough to understand me and share my secrets and moments, that she would be my best friend but at the same time, I dreaded it because she wouldn't be with me all the time. I would have to share her with the rest of the world and that was scary.

My phone buzzed beside me and I saw Derek's message: At your door in 15 mins. Fuck, I totally forgot we had a date tonight. I didn't realize time flew around Sophie and she was still reluctant about the right color for her sky.

"Babe, what about pink?"

"Pink?"

"Yes," I said, picking the pink crayon. "Like when the Sun goes down." She grabbed the crayon from my hand and started painting the upper half of her blank page. I kissed her tiny hand moving rapidly against the paper and looked up at her concentrated face, eyebrows narrowed.

I'd realized I didn't want to leave home tonight. Can you come over? I texted.

Sure. Is everything alright?

I took a picture of Sophie and hit send. Don't want to leave this scene tonight. Since he was online, I'd anticipated him to text back but the door rang instead. I pulled myself up, leaving Sophie on the parlor's floor and answered the door.

Derek looked his best in his leather jacket under the moonlight. I let him inside and carried Daisy along, who was pulling the hem of my skirt. Sophie beamed at Derek as she detected him but didn't bother to stand up for a hug. When she turned back to painting, Derek offered me a wide smile.

As he seated on the left side of our couch, I'd taken the right. "You've got a cozy home," he commented, looking around.

"Thanks." We hadn't met since that awkward incident with Austin and his mother, and I didn't actually explain anything to him. He didn't ask me to, but it wasn't hard to understand that he was expecting something from me—an excuse, an explanation, anything. He had every right to.

I ruffled Daisy's fur and contemplated what to say next. I wanted to apologize but I didn't know how to voice it and what to exactly apologize for.

"How's it going?"

I startled with the question. "Good." Before I could ask him back, Ace emerged from the corridor and paused as he saw our guest. Derek turned around to gaze at him as well and waved his hand. "Derek," I introduced him. "And Ace, my brother." They shook hands and Ace glanced at me.

"You're staying?"

"Yeah."

"Then, I'll crush at Claire's tonight. It's okay, right?" I nodded. "Nice to meet you, Derek. Have fun." He tackled Sophie's back and earned a groan from her. "Bye, princess."

When he was gone, I turned to Derek. "How've you been?"

"Good." He looked at Sophie, then back at me. "I think we need to talk."

I told Sophie that we would be at the kitchen and she could just yell if she needed me. I tapped the kettle and stood against the counter. I knew what he was going to say but I wasn't sure if I was ready for it.

"Kara, what's your problem with Austin?"

I didn't see this coming. I thought he would interpret the whole thing about himself but Derek was apparently more observant than I pegged him. "Huh?"

"Whenever he's around or mentioned, you zone out or panic. I saw what happened last time." I stared at him. "Does he bother you?"

Gosh, he got it wrong. Of course, he did. "No," I said quickly. "He doesn't. It's not what it seems." He raised his eyebrows. "I know it sounds strange but he doesn't bother me." I took a deep breath. "It's a long story, Derek."

"I have time."

I looked up at him. "You won't like what you hear."

"Is it the same story you once told me?" I slow-nodded. "I know what I see, Kara—whatever happened in the past doesn't define you."

I mulled over his words. He wasn't the first person who said that to me but he could be the most convincing. He was a foreigner; he didn't know me yet he still believed in me. This was a first. "I don't know where to start."

"The beginning," he said laughingly. "But first, let's make coffee."

Telling my story in transparency, raw and naked, was something I hadn't done before. Not even to the therapist I once visited. There was something in Derek that pulled all the raw emotions out of me and lay them on the table.

I still didn't dare look at him until I finished the story. I was scared of receiving his judgmental looks or pitiful eyes. Those were the reason why I moved out of Northampton and I wasn't eager to put myself into that hell again.

My voice creaked like fall leaves crunched under the feet at times. I broke down, cried, laughed or smiled. He didn't stop me once, and for that, I was grateful. When it ended, silence engulfed us for a while. I heard his sharp intake of breath but couldn't look up at his eyes. I felt nineteen again, hiding in the basement of our school, away from the looks, whispers, laughter, and her.

It wasn't easy to rip your past open to someone—especially when you were the villain.

Hi!

So, we are a bit closer to the reveal...but not so much. What do you think of Derek? Will he tell someone about this or is he good at keeping his mouth shut? Or will he be any help to Kara? Let me know your thoughts.

Drop an emoji here if you think Kara should overcome her fear of the past.

See you,

Sev xx