Last Kiss Goodbye • Teenage Juice Ortiz

81 - The Arms of a Father

The moment they left the shed so he could breathe in the fresh air, his mind became clearer. He realized how much he smelled, and quickly he let go of June, feeling ashamed. "I'm okay," he muttered. 

She said nothing, she however did stroke his back before she opened the backdoor. Juice froze the moment he wanted to enter the room. He stared at the couch; he saw himself sitting on it, Emilio next to him. Laughing at first, but in the blink of an eye they were kissing. He could still feel the man's tongue in his mouth, he remembered how his friend's hand had slipped into his pants to play with his dick. 

"You like this huh?"  his rough, hoarse voice echoed in his head. "Tell me what you need to relax homes. I never sucked a dick but I'm sure you taste fucking great. You can fuck me too if you like."

By reflex, he bent over and gagged. His stomach however was empty; all he tasted was bile. His whole body was shaking. Was it true? Had he liked it? He didn't want to remember, nevertheless his memories tried to recreate the things he'd felt. 

"Where is he?" he whispered. He didn't want to see the man. Not now – not ever.

"He is on a day out with Glenn," June answered calmly. "So we can talk with Rafi."

Rafi... There were also some vague memories about the boy. His son. They however were too blurry to call up any words they'd spoken. 

"Did Emilio tell you? What he did?"

"Yes," she answered softly. "He was pretty confused."

Juice snorted. Bet he was. 

The determined voice that had shaken Juice up yesterday however told him a different story. He had known very well what he'd been doing. Again, bile was burning in the back of his throat. He didn't want to think about it anymore. He didn't want to think about anything anymore. 

June rubbed his back. "Come on, Juan. Go take a shower, then I'll make you some breakfast."

Hesitantly, Juice nodded and went upstairs. 

. . . 

Once he was done showering, he felt a little better. Just like yesterday he'd taken some clothes from Emilio's wardrobe, but this time they really seemed to itch and he wanted nothing more than tearing them off his body. The thought about his former friend caused a pang in his stomach. Yesterday there had been this glimmer of longing for their old friendship. He had lost so many friends, had fucked up so many things... He craved for a friend, someone who knew him inside out and still didn't hate him. 

Now however, he didn't know what to think of it. He didn't understand why Emilio had wanted to kiss him; thinking about it made his head spin. Sighing, he went downstairs. There were some cheese and biscuits on the table, a glass milk and a cup of tea next to it.

He stared at it. The simple gesture made him emotional; was this what all his mornings would have looked like if he had stayed with her? If he had searched for a way to get her back? 

He walked to the kitchen and watched her tidying up the counter top. Suddenly he could no longer bear the distance; he stepped forward and locked her in his arms. Tears filled his eyes as he pressed his face against her shoulder. 

She turned around. For a moment he feared she would push him away, then she leaned her head against his chest and wrapped her arms around him. He closed his eyes while holding her, kissing her hair. Their bodies melted together like they used to; they were like two halves perfectly fitting. There were so many things he wanted to tell her, and at the same time he knew he would only repeat himself. And so, he stayed quiet, for it was a pleasant silence.