the writer // harry styles au

chapter 29

Alexis

I rarely walked into a silent flat after work. Will and I had keys to each other's places and would plan where we'd sleep, so when I got to either flat, Will would be there, having finished work about a half hour before me, cooking dinner and blasting old 80s music. I would like to say to myself that only loved Will and wasn't in love with him, but I'd be lying to myself. Everyday - before the Harry debacle - I would sit at work, waiting for the clock to turn to 5:30 so I could leave and arrive in an aroma filled, loud flat, to see Will in the kitchen, tie loosened around his neck, sleeves rolled to just above his elbows and normally styled brown hair flatter on his head, more ruffled. It felt like I was in love with him each time I came home; I'd realise how it was actually a real love.

I actually did come home to a silent flat. I looked around for Will, checking the bedroom to see if he was sleeping; checking the bathroom to see if he was having a shower. Maybe he was at my flat? We had agreed to come back to his flat after work. He needed help sorting out all of the things he'd inherited from his mother.

I called him a few times while I scurried around the kitchen. I had the phone pressed up to my ear with my shoulder while I brought the chicken over from the fridge. Will's multi-tasking skills in the kitchen always did amaze me. He'd have meat in the pan cooking, be chopping up vegetables and still be able to scream 'Rosanna' all without fail.

He answers just before the call was going to go to voicemail. He rushes out a hi, breathlessly.

"Hi," I say back.

"I'm sorry I'm not there. Give me ten minutes, okay?"

I can hear his words, but they rush out of his mouth, almost like he's like lying. He sounds on edge, rushed, made up, all in a defence of some sort. Will rarely ever lied to me, so when he did I picked up on it pretty easily.

"Will, it's fine. Where are you?"

"I'm on-" Will's sentence is cut off by a car horn. "I'm going to be home soon, Lex. I promise. I love you. You know that, right?"

I laugh. "Will, you sound like you're giving a final speech before you die."

"Yeah, yeah. It's pathetic and cheesy, but I want you to know that I do. Don't you love me?" The car horn goes off again and Will groans. "You never say it, Lex. I just need it this once, from your mouth, into my heart."

I don't hesitate to say it back - I shouldn't even have to think I would hesitate. "I love you, Will. Get your toned ass home."

Will lets out a sigh of relief and laughs it away. I can just imagine his mouth wide and smiling, white teeth on display. He really was gorgeous; he was too good for me. But here I am, having had a PG rated affair and not loving Will like I should. Stupid.

"Bye, Lex," Will says.

"Bye, Will. I love you," I reply. I say I love you and for the first time, it feels more real than it did before. I've allowed my self closure from my relationship with Harry. And closure not doesn't mean I'm forgetting, because how could I forget that over-powering love I felt consume me? I'm just letting my self feel okay about not having that in my life anymore, and it feels right.

The line cuts off, and I'm stuck with my thoughts and burning chicken.

***

I heard Will's keys in the door about five minutes later. I leave the terrible stir fried meal in the bowls at the kitchen counter and walk around to the door, wanting to just jump into Will's arms and feel him around me.

He pushes the door open and the first thing I notice is the roughness of his facial feature; the messed up hair, the bags under his eyes, slightly purple, his lips dry and pale. Although he looked almost wrecked and severely tired, that didn't keep from the large Will smile erupting on his face. He opened his arms after stepping only two feet into the flat and I immediately walked into them, hugging him. I felt like I had something in my life - a constant. He was now going to be there for me for the foreseeable future, holding my hand, hugging me, kissing me. As much as the wretched ache in my body yearned for that to be Harry, another part of me still felt slight comfort with the thought of staying with Will. He wasn't a bad man, not one bit; he would always care for me and, from what it feels like, love me unconditionally.

My eyes are shut as my arms are wrapped around his neck and his arms are twisted around my waist. I just feel his warmth against me, feel the warmth that's filling my heart.

I open my eyes, ready to detach from Will's embrace, but when my eyes open I'm met with the sad, lifeless ones of someone I know to well. He looks genuinely crushed and wrecked. It's boy just his eyes that are lifeless, but everything about him.

I whisper, stupidly, "Harry?"  

(A/N: Hi guys! I'm so sorry for the slow updates. School's hectic at the moment and I have exams coming up and should probably focus on them. But I promise to still update, even if it's slow! Don't forget to vote! What are you guys thinking about Will? Do you like him?)