the writer // harry styles au

chapter 26

Harry

I've been silently freaking out for the past half hour. I was standing with Zayn outside the church, waiting for the crowd to make their way in. Alexis hasn't arrived yet, from what I can tell. Zayn went off and was chatting up a girl, which is highly inappropriate. But then again, that's basically what I'm here to do. I needed someone next to me to talk to or just stand next to. I hated standing here alone, awkwardly. What if someone where to come up and ask me how I knew the woman who is currently laid in a coffin dead.

I always hated funerals. The first one I ever attended was my grandfathers. I was only eight years and old and wasn't entirely sure what was going on. Why was Grandpa in a bed that looked like what vampires sleep in? Why are people crying? Is there any food? I had walked up to the coffin, having it been an open coffin I was able to see his expressionless, cold face, lying dead. I pushed myself up onto my toes in my too tight dress shoes and poke my dead Grandpa. He didn't move, so I just assumed he was playing with him. I'd pushed myself up further onto my toes, hands holding tight onto the edge of the coffin. I remember faintly hearing my mother saying not to touch the coffin, to quickly say goodbye bye and then make my way on, but I didn't.

I brought my head close to my grandpa's, and whispered, "Why are you playing a game with me, Grandpa? Grandma hates when you do that," and he didn't respond. So, I placed my feet flat on the floor and turned to my mum behind me, and started to cry.

She had whispered in my ear sweet things about my Grandpa, saying he was a good man in a better place. That'd help me realise good things always end - good people always leave. Of course at the age of eight it just made me miss my Grandpa, like any child.

Right now I didn't have anyone to hand onto and talk to to distract me from all the death and morbidness. I wanted to selfishly wish Alexis would hang onto me during the service, but that was bullshit. No one here knew me, her fiancés family knew her, so if she was to be seen with me, deeply in love and happy, they'd blow.

Zayn came back over empty handed. His hand hit the back of my shoulder, like always, and he prepares himself for what he's about to say.

"Styles," he says, "Alexis, the girl of yours, has been looking at your back for 5 minutes; turn your ass around."

Shit. My body turns away from Zayn, finding my self only ten or so metres from her. She looked tired, but beautifully messy. I can't help but love her, right now, staring her down at her fiancé's mum's funeral. Extremely inappropriate.

He face turns into a scowl while looking at me dead in the eyes. She stalks off, making her way through the crowd. Before my head's processing this, my heart's screaming at me to follow her, so I do. Body turning back and forth as I pivot through the crowds, I manage to catch a glimpse of her black frock walking into a room and closing the door behind her.

I jog up to the door and open it. It's not locked, so I walk straight in to see Alexis walking back and forth, palms pressed to her forehead. I want to speak up, say something to let her know I'm standing here, but I'm pretty sure she already knows that.

She stops paving and turns to the door, which I'm leaning against. Her face flushes with relief, which is strange. Her hands fall from her head and lay limp by her sides. Hair messier than usual, dress tight and most probably inappropriate for the occasion, but my god she looked gorgeous - just like my Alexis.

"Harry," she says. She hesitates taking a step forward, deciding soon after to just stay put. "How are you here? Why are you here?"

I pushed myself from the door, walking over to her, not hesitating. I faintly, weakly, creak out her name and it sounds so, so desperate I just want to run away for sounding so broken. She hasn't even broken my heart, she's right in front of me. She had said she loved me, that she wants me, missed me, and just having her leave for a weekend with another man has just wrecked me.

I was doing fine before she came to me that cold night. Well, not totally fine - I'd still missed her. But now I knew that she never forgot about me and did actually love me, which I hadn't even thought was a possibility. After the little time I've spent with her for the past week with her loving me, out openly, I've become addicted. More addicted than I was before. I came to this woman's funeral, whom I never met, just in a hope it was her fiancée's dead mother's so I could maybe see her - just to see her.

"Harry, why?" she asks again.

I should probably tell her the truth, say I thought that on the off chance that this was her fiancée's mother's funeral; say that I only took this chance because I just need to see her and feel comfort. But I'm not going to, I'll play it off like she worked at my publisher instead of Zayn's - then I won't sound so desperate.

So I lie to her, looking into her eyes, cowardly. "She worked at my publisher. Met her a few times. I'm pretty sure all of the author's the publisher took on are here."

Alexis nods, familiar to what I'm saying. "Oh, yeah. The boss insisted they - you - all come."

I step forward again. I'm getting close, starting to feel the cool of the winter air that's still fresh on her black dress radiate off onto me. Her head's tucked to look at the ground and her hands haven't stopped fidgeting since she took them from her head. I see her lift her head, face blank and unknowing.

And then I realise why she looked so.. blank. She was preparing herself for the kiss - her lips on mine. She groans against my lips and all I can hear is this relief, this sort of ecstasy in the groan. She pulls her lips from mine for a moment and then just hugs me, tight. She kisses the part of my neck that's just above to collar of my shirt.

And then, so quietly I almost miss it, she says, "I'm going to miss loving you so much."

(A/N: Hi !! I'm so sorry i'm barely updating. I've been at school for the past two weeks and can't write during the day. Don't forget to vote and comment. Also, thank you so much for 1k reads!! It's insane!)