the writer // harry styles au

chapter 25

Alexis

I've never read a book that's changed the way I feel about myself, see the world or made me relinquish old habits; and everyone I've met, old or young, has something to say, quote or analyse about a certain piece of literature that has changed them in some way. If I was to talk about anything that has influenced me in such a way, I'd talk about Harry.

He's like my legendary book: enticing, brilliant and you just want more. He's not someone I've studied endlessly, allowing time to notice certain little things that would usually go un-noticed. He's just someone who in such a short amount of time, has changed me so deeply. He had only been around for a few weeks just before he told me he loved me and made me realise I felt the same about him. But we messed up. That's the thing, messing up is always something you don't realise you've done until you never come across something better.

Will may be a perfect man and something all girls would call their 'something better', but not for me. I found love in Harry's little imperfections and character flaws. His heart and mind were so different to what I'd always had with boys that I couldn't get enough. I thought I hated it at the time; his comments and views on certain things got awfully infuriating. But here I was, nine months gone by without him, and he's changed me for the better, left me scarred by his love.

I was currently on the train with Will, travelling to his hometown. He didn't want to drive, claiming some downtime with me on a train would be nice, just to relax and talk. My head rested on his shoulder and his head rested on mine. His hands were interwoven with mine, squeezing quite hard. I knew he didn't notice the amount of strength he was using with his grip, but I let him continue to hold on tight.

He hadn't been the same for the past few days. He was clinger than ever. His hands were always on me, no matter what situation we were in. At home he would stand with me as I cooked; his arms were a barrier around me in bed; and when out in public, his and my hands were not two but one. I wouldn't lie to myself: it was nice to feel so needed.

"Lex," Will said so pleadingly and soft it hurt me a little bit. I brought my head up from his shoulders, looking into his frosted blue eyes. I didn't need to speak; he knew he could continue because she was listening. "I can't do this."

My eyebrows frowned, pulling down. Couldn't do the funeral or us? Wickedly, I hope he'd say us - say that he couldn't be engaged just yet.

"My mum's dead. I feel to alone now. My sisters don't live in London; they have their families. I'm alone, Lex. Even if I have you, you're not totally mine yet." He looked so broken and that broke me. He didn't have me now, and I was debating whether he ever really would have me.

It was sick that all I could think about while here with Will, going to his mother's funeral, was that I wanted to be Harry's, even if claiming of another person sound stupidly old fashioned. Something like the man owning the wife. Not going to happen.

"I'm here for you, Will." I pulled my left hand from where it rested in my lap, bringing the diamond ring into view. The bright crystals shone in the lights and it just made it even more beautiful to look at. The circular cut stood out beautifully against the plain white-gold band. He knew how to pick 'em. "I'm here for you for as long as this is on my finger, and longer."

Will's eyes shone. He looked happy. And even if that wasn't what I loved - what I loved was Harry's happiness - it's what Will needed. Just a bit of hope and love and a smile.

He mouthed to me, just like always, with his loving stare and toothy grin: "I love you."

And I smiled, staring at his now bright, blue eyes. He was what I had for now. Even if it wasn't my preference, it was pretty good.

(A/N: Hi! I'm so sorry for the slow update; I'm back at school (ugh). Sorry the Alexis chapters are so boring at the moment, they'll get better. It would be awesome if you guys gave some of my other fanfics a read like 'overbearing love' and a new one I've started writing (currently only consisting of an introduction, but give it a read) called 'matched'. Anyway, don't forget to vote and comment! xxx)