the writer // harry styles au

chapter 40

Alexis

I couldn't stop pacing. My feet were carrying me from one side of Will's kitchen to the other, over and over. I felt sick to my stomach. I had ruined this man, from the start of our relationship and for the rest of his life. I knew where my life was going to end up, and what I was going to do and who I was going to do that with, but would Will ever recover? Would he ruin himself? I was going to tell him, even if this was going to ruin him. It seems so bad, to ruin someone just like I'm about to, but that is was love does. It ruins you. It ruined me, and now Will and previously Harry. It's all one big mess that I'll spend the rest of my life trying to clean up or ignore or be overwhelmed by. 

I could hear the sound of keys jingling and the lock on the door clicking. It's happening soon. Now I had to stop pacing, otherwise Will would know what's up. So I pressed myself against the kitchen counter. I grabbed to cold stone in my hands hard and hoped that it would somehow relieve some of the pressure I felt at that moment. 

Will turned the corner to the kitchen, and his bright blue eyes seemed to light up the second he saw me. His hair was messy and falling onto his forehead. That means he'd had a rough morning. He runs his hands through his hair when he stressed, and he's usually too stressed to care that his hair is messy. God, the way his chest looked with the grey sweater and white button up underneath made me ache. He was dangerously hot. 

"Hi," he let out breathlessly. He made his way to me in the kitchen. When he got to me he dropped a chaste kiss to my lips. It was so sweet, different to how Harry had kissed me last night. Will had loved my body for the past year; he knew everything about it. He knew where I liked to be touched, how I liked to be touched. He knew how I liked to be kissed. 

Will then came closer to me, pressing an even deeper and better kiss to my lips. It seemed bad to think and know that the kiss was good - so good - but that was the only thing on my mind. I wanted Will to show me how he loves me, how he kisses me and touches me. 

Maybe love doesn't have to be all consuming and all you can think about. Maybe love is knowing a person, and being able to be there and touch them and help them. Sometimes when I'm with Harry, I'm so caught up in him that I never notice that slight feeling of uncertainty. I never realise that what Will has always given me and shown me is what I want and - strangely - need. 

Will ran his hands up my sides, resting them on the curve of my hip. His lips were touching mine in the sweetest way, but I didn't want that. I wanted it rougher, hotter, sexier. So, I pulled his hips into mine. He let out an urgent groan. His hands roamed lower, slowly, teasing every nerve in my body. I was tingling. His hands were on my most upmost thigh, which helped him lift me. He turned, urgently pushing me against the fridge. 

Will pulled away breathlessly for a moment. His eyes were trained on my puffy lips as he asked, "This is what you called me home for? To offer me your body?" I looked at his eyes, and then his lifted to meet mine. He had the slightest of smiles on his perfect lips. God, that perfect mouth would never do it's justice just plainly smirking. He could do the most wicked things with that mouth, more than I knew any man could. More than Harry seemed to know. 

I shook my head. "A bight to eat would be nice aswell," I said. Will's smile dropped, and so did his warm hands from my ass, and my feet fell to the ground. I didn't want those hands anywhere except my body. "But that can wait.. just for a bit."

I walked out of the living area and down the hall to Will's bedroom, taking off my heels, cardigan, top and skirt, leaving me only in what I can only describe as barely-there underwear. I knew Will was following me down the hall because each time something came off he would groan to himself. 

I was about to turn into the room when my phone began to ring. It was a peircing sound that rang through the flat like a siren. It seemed deafening. I knew who was calling, and it made me sick to my stomach to think that he was sitting somewhere waiting to hear the news about Will and I. At that moment, I knew I had to leave the flat. I needed to quickly tell Will that, "Hey, on second thought, I actually am leaving you for Harry!" Then I'd run out onto the streets of London, with weather that always seemed to be exactly the same as the day I met Harry, and maybe run a few blocks with my ridiculously high shoes in my hand before deciding that a cab really was the best option.

Through the time that I was caught up in my head, I hadn't notice Will go to retrieve my phone in the kitchen. No, no, no. I couldn't yell at Will and then rush into the kitchen and savagely grab the phone from his hand. He'd know I was hiding something. But why not do that? He's going to see Harry's contact on my phone. He's going to get angry, yell a bit, maybe drive all the way over to Harry's house and really punch him up this time. 

I walked out into the kitchen while attempting to slip on my skirt at the same time. As soon as I caught a glimsp of Will's face, I knew how everything was going to play out. He looked as if he'd given up all hope - and he really had. There was no strength in his posture anymore, he didn't have that charming smirk on his perfect face anymore. 

Before I could get a word in, or even more any closer, he spoke up. "Go to him. I don't have anymore hope in this relationship, so one of us should at least find that in another one." 

I stood motionless because what does one do in a situation like this? When people are faced with this situation in movies they know exactly what to say because it's scripted, they're speaking words that have been written over and over until they're just right for that situation. That's why movies are unrealistic. Because in real life, when actually put in a situation like this, all of us stumble over our words, and just fuck it all up, even more than it was before. 

"You know I love you, and will probably never get over you - which is pathetic because you were unfaithful. Go love him like you couldn't love me, Lex." 

(A/N: omg yay a londer update!!! i'm so sorry this fic is really bad now, but i'll finish up the story as un-tragically as I can for you guys!!!!)