[old] hexes for exes, briarville girls (1)

三十二。哥兒們聊

Well, that's a waste of steps and energy. She actually needs to go, so she'll have to repeat the journey and come up with a proper excuse that didn't involve "I think I need to poop", because Sarah will find a way to insult her with that. Sarah's a recalcitrant one. Unpredictable, bitter, and quite honestly a queen at insults, even if Livia wouldn't admit it. The two were evenly matched, though Livia hated to think of it like that. Rather unfortunately, it was the truth.

Truth be told, Livia finds Sarah quite recondite. She can never quite pinpoint what's going through her mind. She knows what's mostly happening, but never all of it. The two were similar, but not similar enough. There were things that Sarah would remonstrate against that Livia wouldn't, and vice versa. Sarah was genteel until enraged, and so was Livia. They both had the tendency to make things more grandiose than they actually were.

So why was she so hard to understand?

Was Livia that hard to understand? It's like your voice. You can never tell what it truly is like. What you hear is a distorted, filtered version, both physical and mental. Except, you couldn't even record it and play it back. You just had to go by what other people tell you, but can you really trust them? People don't like to admit being stupid, incompetent or fooled.

After a few minutes, Ben reemerged (no longer dripping water) in a white, almost translucent t-shirt. Livia glanced at Brie to see if the girl had any comments regarding his (rather obnoxious) choice of clothing, but the girl said nothing.

That's interesting.

"Look who's back," James teased, leaning against the kitchen counter (which Livia really didn't encourage, but said nothing about). Ben rolled his eyes, patting the younger boy on his back.

"I hate this," Brie sighed, pinching her nose. Livia hugged her shoulders sympathetically while Lila patted the girl's head. Friendship. Sarah stood there, her expression murderous- ha, Livia thought, should have brought someone along who actually liked you, shouldn't you?

But as part of her deal, she still kept silent. She seems to do that a lot these days. Self-restraint, she wondered, what a strange thing. Telling yourself when enough is enough, when too much is too much. Who decides it? How do we decide when we must stop? Do we put ourselves in the shoes of an outsider and glance at our own pitiful form, analysing like a judgemental stranger and decide what is right? Is that what she is doing? Or is it just her own moral compass controlling herself, telling her that this isn't right. You want to be the better person. and then she herself accepted it and learned self-restraint? It's never been something she's good with. She saw it as what it was: restraint. Why should anyone restrain her, much less herself?

She is determined, but not determined enough. There's a line she would never cross to achieve her goals. Unlike Sarah. Unlike Lila too, actually.

"We set something on fire- well, Ben did, had to starve for so long while waiting for pizza and are not standing around the kitchen without a word shared between us. This isn't a party. This is chaos."

"If this was chaos, I'd be tearing out your hair right now, but alas I'm not."

Brie shot her a warning look. Livia rolled her eyes back, sticking out her tongue.

"Well. Let's umm... go before we start the next world war. We've finished all the food. This is just straight up awkward. Ben requires a much-needed bath and I don't think any of us want to be around to see that-"

"-you little piece of shit-"

"-so I think we should all just head back home and enjoy the rest of the day. No more high school. Yay!"

"Yay!" An unenthusiastic cheer passed around the kitchen, with each teenager raising their cup slightly to mimic a toast. No one bothered faking it. What was the point, when everyone already knew the truth.

Livia took another sip. What a way to end her school year.

***

The night was quiet. There was nothing sacred or ceremonial for her graduation like she expected. It was simple, and went by quickly, like death. To the rest of the world, the day was nothing special. Just another in a long sequence.

Livia blinked. Pamela's lights were already off- she could see from the window. So were her parents'. Normally, she'd be too, but she didn't feel tired at all, physically or mentally. So she stayed awake, a night owl.

Livia stared out of her balcony, taking a sip of hot chocolate, dressed in her silk kimono pajama. She licked the chocolate off her lips, enjoying the sweet taste of cocoa of her tongue. It was still hot, but Livia didn't really care. The searing hot pain distracted her, forced her to concentrate her thoughts even though they were all over the place.

One last time. That gathering at Brie's house might be the last time they all gathered together in a room. And instead of enjoying it, most of them spent half the time bickering with each other like toddlers. They didn't cherish the time- they squandered it, and it made Livia sick all of a sudden.

Was this what George Washington felt when he stepped down?

Was this what leaving forever truly feels like? She wanted to cry, but she was also happy about the chance at a new life. Melody could stop being the present and truly become the past. As long as she was in this city, she'll never be truly free from the shackles of her past, haunting her, taunting her on her shoulder.

When Livia had left for Shanghai, she had been looking forward to change. She didn't care that she might never see her friends again. Hell, she wanted to make sure she wouldn't have to see them again.

But this was different, and it felt as if a skilled anatomist had carved out her heart and replaced it with a gaping black abyss. All her messy thoughts boiled down to this: the world would never be the same again. Do you like that? You did, didn't you? What about now?

It's time to face the next chapter of her story, and for once, Livia was glad about it.

three proper chapters to go before the epilogue + extra scenes!! are y'all excited??