...why does it feel like how it did before?
should i be worried? he's running out of time for me again, isn't he?
i have this nagging in the back of my head that won't go away, it pops up every time i see similar signs that led up to my hell last time.
there won't be a next time, right?
am i worrying for nothing?
he said he shouldn't have to say that he misses me, it should be obvious.
is it? when we're so far apart and we barely actually talk anymore? when our schedules are almost full? you know i'm waiting on you to fit me in to your schedule, right? it can't be impossible, can it? if i say this. will you drop me again?
i'm scared to bring it up.
maybe he just doesn't want to talk to me. maybe he's got better things to do in the free time that he has. that makes me feel like shit, and it's worse that i can't really talk to anybody about it. is he losing interest? i try to talk lovey to him but he just responds cold-like. it's like i'm not talking to the him i'm dating. does that make sense? am i doing something wrong? why isn't he responding usually? my feelings might be over heightened, but it's not for a stupid reason. it's starting to hurt my feelings, if i can be honest with you... it makes me afraid that i'm losing him again.
...why did he say there would be others?
am i the only one who doesn't want anyone else? does he not feel the same? does he not expect us to last? ...want us to?
i only have myself to confide in, you know? it's staring to feel lonely in my head, in my heart.
he's too busy to speak about this, and i don't think he would understand even if i did bring up these concerns. something in my heart and gut doesn't feel right about it. something feels off
9/30
VOCÊ ESTÁ LENDO
holding on; 2019
Não Ficçãoi never expected to be here for this. i did not think the need would let me go. i can still feel it's grip, but i might as well hold on as well. it's only fair-isn't it? a self-documentation.
