i don't think kindness is what i deserve—
at least not at that altitude, you know?
smiles from strangers, a compliment out of the blue, a gentle warning for the rain starting outside...
i appreciate it all, but it hurts, because i know i do not deserve it.
why does it sound so harsh reading it back? it hurts, it aches. why does my body reject kindness, yet pump it out for others?
i found out why i cant kill myself properly. it's because there is love in the way. for jakob, for liv, for wyatt, for carson, for my family, for everybody that has remembered me for more than a week.
i realized it on the way home, and it made me ache, too.
9/13
YOU ARE READING
holding on; 2019
Non-Fictioni never expected to be here for this. i did not think the need would let me go. i can still feel it's grip, but i might as well hold on as well. it's only fair-isn't it? a self-documentation.
