Remember the Past

Epilogue: Colin

  When I come to, my memory is blurred. It slowly comes back to me and panic ensues.

"Nova! Nova!" I call. She's not here. Why is she not here. I make eye contact with Morgan, then Savannah. "Where's Nova?" They both shake their heads.

And I'm on my feet, not realizing that the drug from the dart is still on my system. I stumble and catch myself on the wall. I make my way to the door. I can't believe she's gone.

They just took her and I let it happen! One thing I know for sure: I need to get her back.

For the next week, we make plans, find a new base and rebuild. Morgan has been on edge and angry. Angry at herself for not seeing through Mitch. She is not the type of person that trusts easily and she is definitely not the easiest person to pull the wool over her eyes.

Savannah seems to miss Nova as much as I do or maybe she's sad because I am. She is definitely more open about her feelings. I never have. I have always been very compassionate and people have always exploited that so I learned to hide it. My father always knew that I never wanted to let him down because I didn't want to be a disappointment so he always used my weakness to get what he wanted. When I finally stood up to him Simon paid for it. I'm tired of other people paying for my weakness.

I should have told Nova about the bounty. Maybe then things would have turned out differently. Morgan considered telling her but I convinced not to, not yet. I said that the right opportunity would present itself and I volunteered to tell her, but the right time never came and now she's gone.

I'm just so mad that I never got the chance to make up with her. I never really apologize.

Now, that's what drives me. I want to right a wrong. I will get her back and that's the first thing I'm going to say to her. Okay, maybe second to 'I love you,' but a very close second.

I can't believe I hurt her. That's what's eating at me. The pain on her face when she learned that I had kept something from her. I saw all of the trust wash away. I like to think that I had at least started to pick up the pieces. I mean, at the safe house, that kiss...

Why didn't I just tell her? Than all of this complication would never had happened. It wasn't that I thought she couldn't handle the truth, it's just that I wanted to prove that I could do something right. I wanted to protect her and I thought that was what I was doing. I failed to protect my siblings as kids, so I thought now would be different, but I guess I'm still the failure that my Father said I was.

Savannah says that she's concerned for me. She sees what being without Nova is doing to me. It's tearing me apart. It doesn't help that I kinda blame myself.

Doesn't Nova know what she does to me? When I am around her it takes all of my self control not to hold her. I'm afraid that she'll slip away like every good thing in my life.

I love her! I'm not afraid to admit it anymore. I just hope that I'm not too late to be with her. That I didn't blow my chance.

I wonder if she misses me right now. I wonder if she'll wait for me. I wonder if she knows I'm coming to find her and I will get her back no matter what it takes.