Remember the Past

Chapter 36

   I walk over to my desk and open it up to a tab. I marked this page to start writing personal entries in and tonight seems like a good night to start writing in it.

What should I write about? I ask myself. It was a silly question really, since I already knew my answer. Colin. He has consumed my thoughts and dreams. I don't know why, but I have a burning desire to simply be in his presence. All I want is to see his smiling face and make him laugh.

Not long after I start writing, there is a knock at my door. I assume it's Savannah and tell her to come in. It's not until I look up that I realize it isn't her. I jump as I see Colin. I hope he didn't just see me jump out of my skin. Now I am frozen as my bones and muscles realine, now they are just working against each other, I am stone still. Then my breath returns to me, I realize I am staring, and I feel my cheeks burn red as I say "hello."

He nods and smiles shyly. "I didn't mean to startle you. I just passed Savannah and she said you were still in your room, so I came to check on you. Is everything okay."

"Yeah, fine." I squeak out.

I feel so stupid. Why am I being so awkward? It was never like this before. What changed. Oh, right, I 'discovered that I have fallen in love with him. It kills me to see my awkwardness affecting him. His right hand is anxiously hooked on his neck, rubbing.

"Ready to go?"

I nod and rise to join him.

I subtly shake out my muscles, trying to loosen their tension. It helped, sort of.

We soon found ourselves outside. I look sideways at him. Here we are, I think to myself. Me and him. He looks so relaxed out here. Being in nature is normal and comfortable for him, I perceive about him.

I hung my arms around myself. It is colder than I had anticipated, although I didn't know what to expect since I had been cooped up inside for the past week. Unlike Colin, who was able to go out everyday. Yes, he was on patrol and since only the patrol was allowed out I assume he was in the way of danger, but still I longed to be out too. After having a taste of freedom, I could never go back to a life of being kept inside, out of the sunshine.

He glances at me, noticing my shivering. He offers me his jacket. I kindly accept it, but he insists on draping it over my shoulders himself. I smile at his kindness. I've never known anyone to be so unconditionally kind.

We continue walking through the trees. We break through the thick trees and begin to follow a path that allows us to walk side by side. I quickly fall in sync with his long strides.

I catch myself staring at Colin again. Even in this dim light, I can still see his beautiful face.

He taps my shoulder, the simple gesture leaving my skin tingling. Then he points up. I follow the direction to the stars. They were so bright and abundant.

"You know, by the time their light reaches us, most of the stars are dead, burned out," Colin says as they gaze up at the stars.

I furrow my brows, "that's awful it's like we're looking at their final breath."

"On the contrary, it's comforting."

"How so?" I ask.

"Well, why do we look to the stars?

"I dunno. Do catch their beauty. To have then light our night. To be comforted by a blanket of light..."

He goes on. "We can't see them when the sun comes up."

"Where do they go?"

"Knowhere, the sun just blocks them from view."

"There where does the sun go at night."

"Well," Colin is forced into a long explanation that elementary students in the olden days would be given.

Colin stops and faces me. I so the same. He looks like he's about to say something. I can see the gears in his mind working, processing, discerning whether to say or do something. He puts his hand on my shoulder and I instinctively shuffle my feet closer.

"Yes?" I say and I lean in slightly as if I'm he's about to whisper something to me and I don't want to miss it.

He removes his hand from my shoulder. It hovers there for a second too long before returning to his side. He turns away from me and begins once again, to walk down the path.

"I'm glad you and Savannah have gotten on."

"Yes, well, what can I say." I feel a smile growing on my lips. "She has grown on me."

Before either of us can say more, I spot the glow of the bonfire light just ahead. We both find a place to sit. Since we were the last ones there there isn't much of a choice. Savannah has graciously saved me a seat next to her. She beams when she sees me and enthusiastically pats the spot next to her, welcoming me to sit and I do. Colin, however, finds his own spot next to Kane and his brother.

We all talked amongst ourselves. I gladly engaged Savannah in conversation.