Don't Ask Me Who The Father Is (completed)

Short, Fat Slut

I was out of breath as I forcefully let myself into my house and slammed the door. I ran to my pantry with tears running down my face and grabbed hostess snacks only to go to the fridge and grab a tub of ice cream. I plopped myself onto the couch and turned on Pink Panther as I cried and ate with a giant spoon. I heard knocking at the door and ignored it. The person at the door called my name but I ignored them.

"Jess, I'm coming in." Johnny walked through the door and upon seeing the ugly sight of me, ran over to the couch and knelt down. "Jess," I was hiccuping and crying as I shoved a spoon of ice cream into my mouth. Johnny yanked my tub of ice cream out of my hands after I tried resisting. I grabbed a hostess cupcake and opened the wrapper. "Jess," Johnny went to grab that too but I shoved it into my mouth before he could. "Stop it!" He said.

"No!" I pathetically cried with my mouth full. "I'm a short, fat slut!" Johnny yanked me onto my feet and tried shaking some sense into me.

"Come on Jess," he pulled me into a hug and I just cried.

"I want to die Johnny!" He held me tighter.

"Don't say sh*t like that," I slipped my arms around him and he put his hand on the back of my head. I felt his lips rest on my crown and for a moment I felt loved again. I wanted to stay like this for the rest of my life. I wanted to feel wanted, needed, not hated, not despised, and not criticized. I just can't seem to do anything right!

"I love you, Johnny,"

"Don't say sh*t like that either," I balled his shirt into a fist. "You know I love you, but we both know your heart is all over the place." He was right. I wanted to see River and Carson right now. "I think you're still discovering what that phrase means." He was right again. I didn't know what that complicating term meant. He stroked my hair and my bawling turned into soft hiccups.

Our embrace broke and my heart dropped. "Let's clean this mess up," I half-heartedly laughed and he did too. We cleaned up my snacks and laid down on the couch together.

FIVE HOURS EARLIER

I climbed out of Rudy and walked into the pizza parlor. All day I couldn't stop thinking about last night with Carson. I had fallen asleep in his car but he had woken me up with a kiss and carried me up to my room. I promised him I would go to the Halloween party and that seemed to make him really happy.

I began convincing myself since then that Carson was the one. He was the guy I'd been pining after all these years. River is super romantic but I only just met him. And Johnny ... Johnny's my best friend. I couldn't bare losing him if we ever got into a disagreement.

Johnny and I planned on going to Dan's party after working a small shift at work. We both decided that it was safe not to dress up. This was our first high school party and the only insight we got of one was from movies.

Our shift was almost over when Anna Queen came in through the door with a group of cheerleaders. They were laughing and joking with one another until their eyes fell upon me. Anna came up with an evil smirk on her face and said, "Hello, Jessica."

"Hi, Anna, what can I get for you?" I was on register and wished I had switched with Johnny or someone else.

"Mm," the head cheerleader looked me up and down and I felt my shoulders curl in.

"We'll have ten family sized pepperoni pizzas and ten cheese," Anna said. I automatically assumed that she and the team agreed on buying the pizza for the party.

"That's a lot of food for a bunch of cheerleaders," I joked with a stupid smile as I put in their order.

"Well, I guess if you were on the team it wouldn't look so bad. Say, that uniform is looking a little small on you," I turned red and wanted to cry. I looked down as Anna swiped her card. "maybe lay off on the pizza," the others all laughed and I looked behind me for Johnny. He was in the back of the store. "You can deliver them to this address. There's your excuse of an invite."