Chapter 32
April 2019
~ELIJAH~
Confronting the truth has always been a difficult thing for me to do. When I first realized that I had a crush on Travis Tucker in the seventh grade, I looked for so many ways of avoiding the plain and simple truth about myself that I just didn't want to believe. I wanted to believe that it was just a phase that would go away as I aged, but it never did. I'm still the same person I was then. Even now, I dread looking the truth in the face. On rare occasions, there are moments when I try not to care so much and I'm finally able to accept myself for who I am... like every moment I'm with Travis... but then there are moments when I feel so disgusted in myself. I know that in 2019, hardly anyone even cares about who the fuck is gay and who isn't, but I still can't fight off my inner conscience telling me that I'm a freak for loving another guy. I see all these straight people in the streets holding hands and kissing, and I just feel like they're all so damn lucky. I know that realistically there's nobody stopping me from doing things like that with Travis, other than myself. I'm my own enemy. Every day is a struggle... a fucking fight against myself. I would like to believe that I would someday feel the same way about Michelle as I do about Travis because then it wouldn't even matter anymore whether I had gay feelings or not... but I know that that's not possible. I know who I love more. It took me twelve years to finally realize that... and now that I know... well... I guess I also know what I have to do about Michelle then.
When Travis drops me off at my house, I walk into the living room to find Michelle on the couch, looking like a complete wreck. Her eyes look baggy and her hair is a mess. She's dressed in sweats and has a bottle of moscato tucked under her arm. She gives a glare as soon as she catches my sight and doesn't say anything.
Telling her the truth now would probably not be a good idea, but I know that I can't brush it off any longer. I have to tell her before I lose my confidence to even speak about my affairs with Travis. "Michelle, I... should tell you something..." I mutter, with next to no confidence whatsoever.
"You want to break-up, don't you?" She mumbles through a raspy voice.
"Y-Yes..." I respond, shamefully.
"Why?" She asks devastatingly. "Because you think I'm cheating on you, after I've said tirelessly that I didn't."
"How am I supposed to believe that?"
"Because I'm your fucking wife... you're supposed to trust me! Why the hell would I want to cheat on you? For what? What do you think I would fucking gain from doing that?!" She exclaims, increasingly more hostile.
"Maybe you love him more than you love me..." I know that's my excuse.
"Then I wouldn't have married you... I married you because I know that I love you... more than anyone else in this world." I wish I could say the same about her.
"Then why don't you trust me? Why do you check my messages and why do you wait for me to get home before you can sleep?"
"I don't check your messages! The only time I did that was when Travis texted you one morning and the ringer woke me up. I grabbed it because I thought it was my phone... by the time I realized that it wasn't, I had already seen his message. And is it so wrong for a wife to want the comfort of her husband next to her when she goes to sleep?" I actually kind of believe her and now I feel bad about it all. But I couldn't have been wrong about the cheating... I know there was something going on between her and that other guy.
"Okay... maybe, I was... just overthinking it all."
"Yeah... and by 'overthinking' you're causing our marriage to fall apart. Is that what you want?"
أنت تقرأ
Summer of '07
العاطفية[boyxboy] Travis Tucker, a paralegal who is unsatisfied with his life, is reunited with his former best friend from high school, Elijah Radford, after having not spoken to him in twelve years following an incident that occurred between the pair duri...
