Summer of '07

Second Chance

Chapter 19

February 2019

~TRAVIS~

Elijah takes me to one of our old stomping grounds in San Francisco back when he first got his car sophomore year. Pier 39 was one of our favorite places to go, and being back here for the first time since high school brings back some of my best memories. I remember he brought me here on my 17th birthday junior year and we spent the whole day together just chilling out here. It was nice because I remember that was the year he dated Hannah Pascal and hardly ever had time to hang out with me. It was kinda cool that he made time for me just so that we could hangout on my birthday. I wanted to do the same for his birthday later that year, but he was of course busy with Ms. Pascal.

"Remember this place?" He says, as we cruise by the pier and search for a parking spot.

"How could I ever forget?" I say, with a strong sense of nostalgia. "We used to come here a lot when we were kids. God, I've missed this place."

"I thought you would," he says, smiling at me. Fucking man and his bitch-ass heartthrob smiles. Every time I look into his gorgeous pale face, I feel like I'm falling in love with him all over again. Too bad he's married.

Once we've found a parking spot, we walk around the pier for a while as we enjoy the sunset. It's crazy how just being here with him makes me feel alive again. I feel as if I've suddenly earned a second chance to be his friend again after the first time failed miserably. Yet through it all, I couldn't help but feel a little sad, knowing that it wouldn't last and that tonight would probably be the only chance I'd get to share with him.

It fucking sucks that after everything that happened and twelve long years, I still have feelings for him, when I know he's moved on and found himself a wife. I've dated a couple of people over the years, but yet none of them made me feel the way that he did. There was something special about what we had. Maybe it was just because he was my first gay crush... not to mention the fact that we started out as friends and I had initially never imagined having a crush on him. It was something that developed over time... unlike all my other relationships. By the time I started dating other people, I already knew I was gay and there wasn't this period of trying to understand why I was suddenly attracted to another dude. I guess you'll always remember your first time having a crush on someone of the same sex.

We spend a great deal of our time there just walking around and enjoying the scenery, occasionally reflecting on our childhood as we see familiar places and objects. From street performers to musicians to carousels, we relive it all as we spend the rest of the evening strolling through crowds of people. We eventually come upon an attraction known as the Flyer, which basically combines motion seats, live-action and computer-generated imagery, and in-theater special effects to create an experience of flying through the skies and streets of San Francisco. It's pretty cool actually and reminds me of virtual reality in some sense.

For the rest of the night, or at least until the pier closes, we head over to a little tiki bar and spend the evening just conversing amongst each other.

"Do you ever plan on getting married and... living the 'standard life,' I guess?" Elijah asks me, in a way that suggests he's insecure about his own question.

"'The standard life'... I'm guessing you mean, like, having a wife and kids?"

He just affirmatively nods his head.

"Then my answer would be, no, for sure," I reply confidently. I wonder where that question came from.

"Why?"

"That's just... not me. That's not what I want my life to look like."

"What do you want your life to look like?"

Good question. It'd be nice if I could spend the rest of it with you... but Michelle beat me to it. "I don't know really. I'd like to have a better job... and a partner that makes me happy. Other than that, I... think I have everything I need."

"'A life partner that makes you happy'... pretty sure everyone wants that. When was the last time you dated?" He asks me, suddenly curious about my love life... this can't be good.

"It's been a while, I guess... since I was... 25, I think?"

"Damn, that has been a while! Ya know what, tonight we oughta go to a club so you can meet someone," he suggests, much to my disgust since I have literally no desire to meet anyone at the moment.

"What no, I don't want to—"

"—Go clubbing so you can meet some women? Why not?" Um... cuz I'm not into women, for starters.

"I just don't want to. I want to meet someone decent... not someone from a club who's just looking for someone to share a one-night stand with." God, I fucking hate one-night stands.

"Okay... but how are you gonna find a life partner who makes you happy then, if you're not even gonna try to look for one?"

"I never said I wasn't going to try, I just don't want one from a club."

"How do you expect to find one then?"

"I don't know... I figured I'd find one... when the time was right." Who knows when that'll be.

"Good luck with that then."

"Yeah... thanks," I mumble as I take a sip from my drink. God, I fucking hate how it seems like he's forgotten that I had feelings for him. He should know that I'm gay and therefore have no desire to meet women in clubs... but instead it seems like he's erased that part of our friendship entirely.

I don't say anything more and maintain a somber look on my face, inciting him to ask me what's wrong. "Nothing."

"I'm sorry if I upset you."

"You didn't, it's just... do you..." I don't finish the question, fearing his reaction. I can't say what I'm thinking... at least not in a public place. As I look him in the eye, I feel like he knows where I was planning on going with that question but doesn't say anything anyways, instead he just suggests that we should get going.

As we get back in the car, I expect him to drive us back to his place so I can get my car and be on my way home, but instead he asks me if I want to go to the beach, despite how late it is. The more time I have with him the better so I of course agree to the late night beach trip. Instead of driving us to the nearest beach, which would be Crissy Field, he takes us to Baker Beach, which has a much nicer view of the Golden Gate Bridge. I believe Marshall's Beach does too but we've never once been there before, considering its vile reputation. At least with Baker Beach, we used to come out here with friends during the summer of '05.

Despite it being ten o'clock at night, we still manage to find a couple of people hanging around the shores. Nevertheless, we find a spot on the sand away from the crashing waves and we continue our conversation from earlier.