Summer of '07

Senior Year

Chapter 30

August 2007

~TRAVIS~

Well... it looks like I've now reached the end of my memoir of the summer of '07. Senior year began and my life quickly went to shit. So far, I've recounted the good memories and even the beginning of the bad, but now it's time for me to revisit the ugly as I recall my final year of high school, or in other words, the lowest point of my life.

I still remember the first day of school like it was yesterday. I remember not actually sharing any classes with Elijah, which made me kinda sad because for the past three years we always had at least one class together. Not to mention, I really wanted to talk to him and work things out. I couldn't bear the idea of losing him, not after everything we had been through, especially after what happened at the motel. I had to talk to him, maybe we could put it behind us and still be friends somehow. I wanted to believe that was possible but deep down I knew that things could never go back to the way they were. Everything had changed. Yet I still had to try.

I would see him in the hallways but he was always busy talking to other dudes that I couldn't get the chance to really talk to him. There was however one point in the day that I saw him at his locker, all by himself, so I took it upon myself to go up and talk to him for the first time since the morning at the motel. "Hey," I said very awkwardly and coyly.

"Hey," he said coldly, but didn't make eye contact with me.

"Haven't seen you in a while," I said, my heart pounding inside my chest. I remember I was literally trembling in fear of what he would say next.

"I've been busy," he answered arrogantly. God, he sounded just like he did back in middle school when we used to hate each other. He sounded like a fucking dick, as if the past three years of our fucking friendship never even happened. We were back to where we started and I hated it. I hated him for acting like this. I know that I was the one who initiated our sexual interaction, but he went down on me first. He could have rejected me if he didn't want me, but he took it all a step further by sucking me off. He made that choice, not me. I didn't do anything to him that he didn't want. I mean, he fucking verbally admitted his attraction to me directly after our encounter but now he was choosing to pretend that it never even happened when we both knew damn well that it fucking did.

"I've tried calling you a fuck-ton of times the past couple of weeks... were you that busy that you couldn't—"

"Get off my back, man. I'm not your fucking boyfriend!" He snapped at me before slamming his locker shut and heading off, leaving me to wallow by the lockers in hurt and disappointment. I remember that in that moment, I thought to myself that it couldn't get any worse than this. I was, of course, so fucking wrong.

I tried talking to some of my other friends throughout the day, who just so happened to be friends with Elijah, and I found myself being constantly treated like I wasn't there. I mean, they didn't ostracize me right away, but I could sense the tension between all of them and I knew that I was on the verge of being excluded from the group. I still can't believe I actually thought that some of these guys were my friends, when in reality they were only friends with Elijah, and merely tolerated me for the past three years only because I was Elijah's best friend. Now that I wasn't anymore, they had no reason to include me anymore.

At lunch that day I tried sitting with them and they totally ignored me. They weren't exactly rude in their demeanor, but as soon as I sat down at their lunch table, I knew that these guys couldn't care less if I sat with them or not. I wasn't a part of their group... and it was then that I realized that without Elijah, I was nobody. I didn't belong with these guys anymore... I guess I never did.