Light In His Darkness

27

Jax Creed

"Another one" I said putting down the whiskey

T looked at me then back at the bartender "top me up aswell"

"What's going on" T said "why arnt you home with Mia"

"Shes pregnant" I said taking my whiskey like a shot and nodded for the bottle "I can't be a dad"

"Brother you can, your just scared" he was right, I had a shit role model of a father and I was fucking terrified "because of what your dad did to you, you won't do that to them, you know it was wrong, nobody knows how to be a dad, I didn't, hell I still don't with Rose" he laughed

I smiled "I think I hurt her" "I fought with her, she locked herself in the room"

"She's hurt man, she wanted you to support her, now look at you, your in a bar" He said "you need to figure out if you want it and explain to her, tell her why you freaked out, tell her about your dad. This is Mia we're talking about, she'll understand" he smiled

"I think I should go home" I got up

"Don't drive"

"Watch me"I smirked

I loved her, I was scared

The first time I saw her I was scared, the first time in my office when she brought me back to her room I was scared, I hate being vulnerable and she makes me vulnerable, she always had and now the baby made me scared. I was going to have a family

I was going to have a baby

A family

I pulled into the driveway and entered the house, I heard the tv in the sitting room on. I dropped the keys and stood in the door way, there she was, beautiful as ever

"Hi baby" I said, she didn't move just kept looking at the tv "I'm sorry baby I really am" I started to walk to the back of the couch "I love you so much and I'll love this baby as much" no word

I walked around she didn't even move, I sat down putting my elbows on my knees, closing my hands together "I don't want to be like my father"

"I've never told anyone but T because he lived with me through it, my dad ever since I can remember always hit my mom and I hated him for it, he hit me too and I grew to hate him, I think I always did. I knew non but beatings and trying to stay quite and stay in my place. I came home from school one day and him and my mom were in a fight she tried to leave him, i was 13 I got the gun out of the cabinet and screamed that I hated him just as he looked at me I fired the gun, the bullet landed right in the middle of his head, right between his eyes" I sighed she was looking with tears in her eyes

"Mia I got scared, the same way I got scared when you started coming into my life, I want a family with you I didn't think It'd come this quick but it has, I'm not ready to be a dad now but who is, we can both learn from each other and I promise you once I can do it with you I won't be a monster, like my dad" she crawled into my lap

"I'm so sorry Jax" she whimpered into my shoulder "I didn't know your dad was bad"

"It's ok" I said "never going to leave the both of you" I said putting my hand up against her stomach, she laughed

"I love you Jax"

"I love you Mia"