Fitzsimmons

When it Does Happen

Quick Note:

Hi mom!

So this is just a taste of what I think Fitzsimmons' problems will be like this season. It will probably be worse than this, so I'm trying to build up your emotional pain tolerance. You can thank me later.

(I'm kidding, you guys. Seriously sorry if this hurts you. I needed to get it out. Hopefully the Whedons aren't monitoring this or anything.)

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After days of clinging on to slipping memories of the team, Jemma was left with a single sustaining thought keeping the overpowering brainwash away. Fitz.

She had spent hours mentally tracing his shape in her head, all the while details beginning to escape her. Then she was left with only his stubborn, Scottish personality. As even that wore down, she only had four letters, repeatedly traced into the cuffs holding back her hands. F. I. T. Z. She imagined the letters being scratched into her brain, all scientific logic having left her days ago. Resistance became harder, yet still she drew on. F. I. T. Z. F. I. T. Z.

At some point the word blended into fake feelings of peace. She knew they were forced, yet savored the calm after nine long days full of struggle and fight. She had been tough to crack. She could remember that fact. It only added to the satisfaction she felt in being free of the torture of her mind pulling in two different directions.

"Compliance will be rewarded. Are you ready to comply?"

Jemma, no longer able to see the voice's origin through her wet eyes, leaned her head down in a sign of submission.

"I am ready to comply." She briefly noted how frightened and confused she felt, but the feeling soon washed away like the rest of her troubles. Hydra had done this wonderful thing for her. Her compliance was rewarded, like they had said. The thought brought a tired smile to her face. Why had she ever resisted?

Giving in was so much easier. She couldn't feel any pain. No guilt.

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"They found out, Director." Jemma found herself desperate to convince Coulson to bring her back to S.H.I.E.L.D. She didn't know why she wanted back so badly. Something almost unnatural inside her was taking over.

"How, Simmons?" Coulson repeated. She could sense his confusion, and pushed on.

"They had already doubted me after the Donnie Gil incident, and yesterday they observed you dropping off more groceries. That's why I couldn't have dinner. I was hiding." Simmons barely believed herself, but Coulson seemed convinced. He was glad to have her back more than anything.

"I'll have May debrief. Head straight to the training room." Jemma thanked him and left the office, ready to get information about S.H.I.E.L.D.'s plans and weak spots, for some unknown reason.

As soon as Simmons entered the training room, she subtly, and almost unconsciously, grabbed a gun. Why? She couldn't recall. It seemed like a good idea. May was leaning against the shooting range, observing someone, probably Skye, and pointing out flaws in her gripping.

"Agent May?" Simmons approached cautiously, paying special attention to her body language.

May removed her earmuffs, instructed Skye to stop shooting, and gave Simmons a questioning look.

"Coulson sent me down for a debriefing," she said, though it didn't sound like she should sound. She sounded nervous, and hoped May wouldn't pick up on it.

If May had, she didn't say anything. For this Simmons was grateful. She guided the two of them out of the range and into an empty bunk across the hall. Simmons clutched the pistol she had acquired, uneasy about what she would do next.